


What Doesn't Kill You - Part 1

by gatergirl79



Series: What Doesn't Kill You [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Broken Gabriel, Domestic Fluff, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, Father-Daughter Relationships, Gabriel trying to live a normal life, Human Gabriel, M/M, Masturbation, No Beta, Oral Sex, Originally Posted on FanFiction.Net, Post-Season/Series 07 Finale, Pre-Slash, Reference to Sam/Ameila, Season/Series 07-08 hiatus, Slow Burn, will contain spelling & grammar mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-23
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-06-10 04:42:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 29,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6940222
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gatergirl79/pseuds/gatergirl79
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's gone, Cass is gone, all Sam has now is a powerless resurrected archangel and an ex vessel, but as his feelings grow so too does his attraction to said archangel. - But is Sam ready for that life-altering change?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place directly after the end of season 7 and covers some of the time between 7 & 8.
> 
> WARNING: Will contain spelling and grammar errors, because I had a crappy education and can't seem to straightened it out. Please feel free to tell me of any mistakes you seen. Thank you.

Sam was still staring into the empty space Crowley had just been standing. He was in shock, he knew that. After all, he'd just lost his brother, again. And Cas, again. He was all alone with no back-up behind enemy lines, who the hell wouldn't be in shock. He had no idea what the hell he was going to do. He knew he needed to find out what had happened to Dean and Cas. He knew deep down that they weren't dead. - Or maybe he just couldn't bring himself to believe that.

He was so caught up in his shock that he wasn't on his guards, which meant he wasn't paying attention. So when three burly leviathan's burst throw the doors he was completely caught by surprise. Spinning around he back himself into a corner. Another sign that he wasn't thinking. Thankfully he still had the machete. When one of the leviathan's rushed him, he swung with all his force taking the creatures head clean off his shoulders. He stood there breathlessly waiting for the next only they didn't move. Instead before Sam's eyes their heads seemed to topple off their shoulders, colliding with the titled floor with a rather unpleasant plop sound. Sam stared down at the head for a few second before looking up. The bodies of the two leviathan crumbled and behind them stood an all too familiar face. One Sam thought never to see again.

"Well, that was fun."

"Gabriel?" Sam gapped open mouthed.

"Nah, it's the Easter Bunny."

Sam was stunned silent, which amused Gabriel immensely. "So….are we getting the hell out of here?" he smirked, lifting his foot and cringing at the thick black oil that coated it.

"What are you….?"

"Jeez. Priorities, Sasquatch." he raised his fingers and snapped.

Suddenly they were outside, a few feet from the Impala. Sam stumbling as he got his balance. He hated angel-air as much as Dean did.

"Nice to see Dean's driving hasn't improved." the archangel laughed staring at the shiny black car that was presently balancing halfway through a large glass sign.

"It wasn't Dean?" Sam corrected.

"Oh…?" Gabriel glanced up at the giant beside him, a smirk stretched over his face.

"Or me."

Gabriel looked back at the car. "Don't tell me Deano let Cas drive?" he snorted. "No wonder it ended up through a window."

"Can you just fix it already? We need to get out of here before others show up."

Gabriel's brows rose to his hair line as he folded his arms. "I'm sorry, when exactly did I become your on-call mechanic?"

"Gabriel!" Sam snapped.

Rolling his eyes, Gabriel brought the tips of his fingers together, creating a soft sound. Suddenly Dean precious Impala was back on four wheels, rusty as new with the Sasquatch implanted in the front seat.

"You coming?" Sam asked with frustration.

Gabriel looked around him, before pointing at himself. "With you? Huh, don't think so buddy, last time I went anywhere with you, I ended up dead. Not making that mistake again. I'm out and I'm staying out. Catch you la…."

"Gabriel get the hell in the car, now!"

The archangel strolled over the Impala and lent into the window, pushing his face into Sam's. "Watch who you're talking to, kiddo. I've still got enough mojo left to zap you into next Thursdays and leave you there. - Forever."

Sam swallowed, taking a breath. "Gabriel. - I….I need your help."

The pair stared at each other. Gabriel weighing up his options. Sam worrying over where his brother was and how he was going to get him back.

"Fine." Sam's head shot around to find Gabriel in the seat next to him. "Where we going?"

"I…don't have a clue."

Gabriel rolled his eyes and slouched down into the seat that was usually Sam's. "Well this is going to be a blast."

The tires screamed as Sam turned the Impala back onto the road, just as a group of Leviathan guards came running.

_What Doesn't Kill You_

"So, you going to tell me what happened?" Sam asked as the Impala cruised down the highway.

Gabriel shrugged. "Lucifer killed me, while saving your ungrateful ass."

"I'm not ungrateful, Gabriel."

"Really?" the archangel turned a raised brow to him. "I haven't heard any magic words."

Sam huffed. "Thank you. Okay."

The archangel snorted and turned to look out the window.

They were silence for a few second before Sam spoke again.

"I meant how you ended up back here."

Gabriel shrugged and kept his eyes locked on the landscape that sped by.

"You don't know anything?"

"I know I was dead." he snapped angrily.

Sam watched him out of the corner of his eye. Something seemed different about him, something he couldn't place. "Are you alright?"

"No. I'm trapped in this tin can with an idiot asking me pointless questions."

"Well, leave then." Sam snapped back.

"I thought you wanted my help?" Gabriel glared, his jaw twitching.

"Not if you're going to be a dick about it, I don't."

The pair glared at each other, completely forgetting anything was happening around them, until the load blast of a horn shook them loose. Sam swerved the Impala out of the way, sending Gabriel into the passenger-side window with a thump and a groan of pain. With the car under control, Sam looked over at the angel. "You okay?"

"Been better. - But at least we're not dead."

"Again." Sam smiled, releasing a breath.

The two men continued on in silence, Gabriel once more settled low into the seat. When Sam looked over to find the angel asleep and frowned. Angel's didn't sleep, that much he knew from years with Cas. - They didn't sleep unless….he looked closer at the smaller man, he seemed…..like himself.

Turning his attention back to the road, he let his mind wonder. He had no idea where Dean and Cas were, or how the hell Gabriel had wound up alive in the lab just in time to save his life. And then there was Crowley. He knew he hadn't seen the last of him. - And a small little part of him was actually worried about Meg. Kinda. All in all, he was alone with more questions than answers and a world still over run with Leviathans. "Same shit…."

"New day." Gabriel murmured. "You finished thinking, cause I'm trying to sleep."

"Then keep the fuck out of my head!" Sam yelled, his fingers tightening around the steering wheel. He'd had enough of Angel's screwing with his mind.

"But it's so entertaining."

"Terrifying more like." Sam sighed. He wouldn't call anything in his head entertaining. Not after spending almost a year with Lucifer scrambling around in there making his life a living nightmare.

"Yeah, he likes doing that." Gabriel remarked.

"Jesus, get out of my….oouch." Sam snapped, glaring at the angel who'd just punched him in the arm.

"Don't take the lords name in vain." the archangel scolded.

Gabriel burst into laugh at the look on the young Winchesters face. "I'm neither confirming nor denying." he winked. "But on the off chance, I'd keep the cursing to a minimum." he laughed.

"You're a dick."

"Yep. I have the whole package actually…."

Sam looked at him nervously. "What's that mean?"

"Two arms, two legs, head, shoulders, knees and toes. - knees and toe." he began to hum along with the nursery rhyme in his head.

Sam released a sigh of relief.

"What's wrong, Sammy. Did you think I was coming onto you? - Sorry to burst you're bubble, sweetheart, but Cas has the rainbow wings."

Sam's head snapped around, only to be forced back by Gabriel's hand on his jaw.

"I take it, they haven't sorted themselves out yet?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, that's sweet." Gabriel cooed.

Sam shot him a bitch face. "What the hell…."

"Seriously, I know you're not that dumb."

Sam shifted in his seat.

"Nope, there it is, right at the back…" Gabriel tapped his finger to Sam's temple. "….come on Sammy…."

"Don't call me Sammy!" he snapped, shoving the archangel's hand from his head. "And get the hell off me."

"Oh, you really don't want to face that do you? Huh…" Gabriel frowned, leaning back into his seat. "Why is that?"

"I don't know what you're…."

"Yes you do. Dean, Cas, unrequited love. It's like a bloody Shakespeare play, for God's sake…ooch. - what the hell?"

"Lord's name, remember." Sam smirked, replacing his hand to the wheel.

"Dick."

"Midget."

"Listen buddy, your bro is totally hot for mine, deal with it. - Everyone else has."

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

"Oh, gas station!" Yelled Gabriel, pointing into the distance. "I'm starving."

Sam frowned over at him. "Seriously?"

"What? I eat."

"Cas never did." Sam remarked, cringing at the use of the past tense, even though he should be used to it by now. Though usually he didn't take his brother with him.

"Well, I'm not my brother. - Besides, I've been on earth a long time, I picked up a lot of bad habits."

Sam raised a questioning brow at him. "Like killing people?"

Gabriel heaved a heavy sigh. "They deserved everything they got. - Beside I didn't kill everyone, I just taught them a lesson. - You survived."

"Whatever. You still killed innocent people."

"Innocence is relative." Gabriel shrugged. "Now can we stop talking and start getting food."

"Can't you just snap your fingers and….poof?"

Gabriel shifted in his seat. "I could but I'd rather spend your money."

"Tuff. You want to eat, mojo it up, my money's too important to waist on filling your stomach."

Gabriel grumbled as he slid down in the seat. Suddenly the Impala began rumbling. Sam's head snapped around to glare at the archangel. "Gabriel!"

"What? I didn't do anything."

Sam scoffed. "Sure. - Well, I'm still not buying you anything to eat."

The car pulled into the gas station just as the Impala gave out. Complaining Sam climbed out and walked around to the engine, He found a shard of glass had piecing one of the pipes. Lowering the hood, he glared at Gabriel, demanding his attention. The archangel groaned at he opened the car door. Strolling miserable to Sam's side he looked down at the glass.

"I thought you fix it?" Sam snapped.

"I guess I missed a bit."

"Well, fix it now."

"For what?" Gabriel challenged, meeting the taller man's demanding gaze.

"I'm not in the mood for this Gabriel. Just fix the damn engine."

The archangel turned his back on the machine and folded his arms, resting his ass on the open hood.

Sam watched him. He'd happily hit him if he thought it would help, but Dean had warned him against taking on an angel in a fist fight. So he just stood there glaring a bitch face of epic purposing at the uncooperative angel. He didn't know what was with this guy. He could snap his fingers and instantly summon up a chainsaw wielding manic, but god forbid he use his powers for candy. What a dick.

"Fine!" Sam snapped finally. "I'll get your candy, you fix the car."

"I need more than candy."

"Huh. I thought that was all you ate?"

"I fancy a change okay."

"Fine…." he huffed growing more frustrated by the second. "…..what does his majesty want?"

"Tacos."

"Really?" Sam looked over at the small gas station. "I'm not sure this place…."

"Anything that's actual food, okay." Gabriel interrupted harshly. "And candy."

Sam rolled his eyes. "Fine. Fix it." he demanded pointing at the engine.

"Oh, don't forget the soda. - Grape."

Sam flipped him the bird as he vanished into the building.

Gabriel looked down at the engine with a sigh. His eyes closed, he braced himself on the edge of the car. How had he ended up in this mess? When he'd fought to get out of Purgatory, he hadn't expected to land right slap bang in the middle of another Winchester battle royal. It was just his luck really. And now he couldn't even snap up a candy bar. He'd never felt so drained. He was clinging on to the last of his power and here was Sam 'I'm-going-to-not-learn-my-lesson-and-get-mixed-up-with-a-demon-bitch-and-break-the-final-seal-then-expect-the-archangel-to-clean-up-my-mess' Winchester demanding he mojo the engine. "Typical bloody Winchesters. Take, take, take."

Taking a breath, he yanked the long sharp piece of glass from the pipe and sighed. Maybe he'd get his powers back after a bit of a rest. Yeah, and then he'd make Sammy pay. Lifting his hand he clicked his fingers. The hole in the pipe sealed and Gabriel's legs shook. He braced his hands on the side of the car and he hung his head, forcing breath into his lungs.

By the time Sam returned with the bag full of goodies, Gabriel was back in his seat, lazing dozily against the window.

"Here!" Sam sighed, flinging the bag at the angel.

"Mmmm."

Sam stared at the man with a slight shadow of concern on his face.

"Are we going or what?" Gabriel murmured, his eyes closed as his hand fished blindly around in the bag.

"Yeah."

The impala pulled onto the road with both men sitting in silence.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

They'd been on the road for at least an hour and Sam didn't really have much of a plan as to where he was going. He supposed he should head back to the cabin, but part of him couldn't face going back there alone. He had to find a way to get Dean and Cas back from wherever they were.

Glancing over he saw that Gabriel was fast asleep, a soft snore emulating from him. He looked paler than Sam remembered, like deathly pale, which was concerning enough but there was also the fact that he seemed to be shivering. Which was weird, because the last time he checked angels didn't feel the cold. Frowning deeply, Sam looked hard, always keeping a watchful eye on the road.

Where those dark circles under his eyes? What had stared out as mild confusion was swiftly become real concern. The last time he'd seen an angel looking this bad, Cas was being overrun with Leviathans. Suddenly a terrifying thought hit him and he slammed down on the breaks, halting the car and sending an unconscious Gabriel into the dashboard.

"What the hell!" he yelled, straightening up in the seat.

Sam didn't reply, he simply got out of the car and headed for the trunk. Gabriel watching him through the back window. The car rattled as Sam slammed the trunk, and Gabriel watched with confusion as the giant Winchester walked around the car to his door. Suddenly yanking it open. The archangel looked up at him with a raised brow.

"Yes?"

"Get out?" Sam demanded harshly.

Clearly the look on the hunters face said he wasn't messing, because Gabriel got out swiftly and stood watching the much taller man.

He almost leapt back into the car when he saw the machete in Sam's hand, but the hunter gripped his jacket, holding him still and raising the sharp blade to his throat.

"You can't fool me again." Sam growled.

"What!" Gabriel yelled. "I ain't fooling you, idiot." the blade pressed into the flesh of his neck. "Sorry, okay. I take it back." Gabriel said in a rush. "You ain't an idiot."

"And you ain't Gabriel." Sam growled.

"What? Of course I'm Gabriel." the angel said with wide eyes.

"Oh, yeah, then why are you so nervous?"

"Huh, probably cause you've got a knife to my neck." he glanced down at the sharp blade.

"So, you're an angel, it's not like it'll kill you."

"No, but it'll do some damage to this body, and I happen to like this body, it's been good to me. Why do you think I kept it?"

Sam narrowed his eyes at the man. "Where's Dean and Cas?" he demanded, not letting go of the man or moving the blade. "Bring them back."

"I can't. I don't know how."

"Where are they?"

Gabriel shrugged. "My guess, purgatory - I came out, they went in."

"You came out?" Sam repeated in a low dangerous voice, pressing the blade harder.

"Ahhh, what the fuck!"

"I cut your head off, you can't come back."

"Well, yeah." Gabriel yelled, trying to pull away from the blade currently cutting into him. "That's usually how it works. - But come on Sammy, you don't really want to do this, I mean okay, I've jerked you around in the past, but I came though when you needed me, surely that's worth something?"

"I'm not falling for it. So you have his memories, that don't mean…."

"What?" Gabriel's mind worked quickly and if he hadn't been standing there with a machete to his throat he would have laughed. "You think I'm one of them, a leviathan? Seriously? Ahhh, okay, dude listen, I'm not a leviathan, alright. I'm one hundred percent Gabriel."

"That's what Cas said, then he went evil and tried to kill Dean and Bobby."

"Yeah, well… look there's got to be some way to prove it that doesn't involve cutting my head off. Come on, Sammy, give me a chance."

Sam stared at him weighting up whether or not to trust the possible leviathan. Finally he lowered the blade, utterly ignoring the trail of red blood seeping from the wound. "Fine." he snapped, his hazel eyes burning into the creature. "Boot."

"What?" Gabriel gapped.

"Move." Sam snapped, gesturing with his machete.

"You can't put me in the trunk, Sam, that…."

"Boot now!" the hunter demanded.

Reluctantly Gabriel did as ordered, wishing he had enough power to turn the tall Winchester into a figging trunk.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Sam knew he was probably over-reacting but he couldn't help it. He wasn't making the same mistake again. He'd prove whether Gabriel was Gabriel and then if his suspicion turned out to be true and the guys was a leviathan, he'd cut his damn head off and bury it in the middle of nowhere. Then he'd hit the road to try and figure out how the hell he was going to get Dean and Cas out of Purgatory. Assuming Gabriel - or whoever he was, was telling the truth.

An hour later Sam pulled into another gas station. He climbed out of the car quickly and walking around to the trunk, yanking it open to find Gabriel asleep. Sam stared at him uncertainly for a few moments, before reaching out and shaking him awake.

Gabriel opened his eyes slowly, blinking at the fading light.

"Out." Sam snapped, waving his hand.

With a groan the supposed archangel climbed out of the trunk and stood on unsteady legs, heightening Sam's mistrust.

"Where are we?" Gabriel asked warily.

"It doesn't matter. We're going to prove you're a leviathan. Move." he nudged him towards the small store.

"You're going to feel like a real idiot when whatever you're planning doesn't work." Gabriel smirked.

"I'll live. - But if I'm right, you won't."

Gabriel rolled his eyes, stretching out his back as he walked.

They strolled into store and Sam steered the shorter man into one of the aisle. Gabriel looked confusingly at the row of detergent then up to Sam. The taller man reached out and pulled a bright yellow bottle of the shelf.

"Arm." he demanded.

"Huh?"

Sam glared at Gabriel until he relented and stretched out his arm.

"Sleeve."

"Seriously? Are you just going…?"

"Sleeve." Sam repeated, glancing around them for a moment before opening the bottle. Once it was open he turned to Gabriel and his bare outstretched forearm. Looking up at him cautiously for a few moments before pouring the liquid on the flesh and holding his breath.

Nothing happened. Sam stood there wait but there was no scream of pain, no burning, no damp pungent skin. He poured a little more to be sure and looked up to find Gabriel stared at him with a smirk.

"Were you expecting something to happen?" he asked innocently.

"I don't get it." Sam frowned, putting the bottle back on the shelf. "If you're not a leviathan, what are you?"

Gabriel smirk died. "Meaning?"

"You're not fooling me Gabriel, there's something wrong with you. You think I can't tell."

Gabriel's back straightened defensively. "I'm just fine." he snapped.

Sam raised a brow at the shorter man. "Oh really? Okay, vanish. - Or snap-up some hot chick. - Or how about zap us back to the Impala." he challenged and waited.

Gabriel stared up at him furiously. "I didn't ask to come with you Sasquatch! You dragged me alone. I don't have to prove myself…."

"What's going on Gabriel?" Sam interrupted.

The archangel tried to stand his ground, tired not to show the hunter any sign of weakness but felt too tired. Sighing, his shoulders slumped. "I don't know, alright. I don't have a damn clue what's wrong with me, I'm just….not firing on all cylinders. Happy."

Sam frowned. "You sorted the car out?"

"Yeah, and it felt like being dragged back to heaven. I used what feels like my last bit to fix the engine. I'm tired and hungry and all I feel like doing is sleeping."

Sam just stared at him, unsure whether to believe him or if this was one of his tricks.

"Are you just going to stare at me like I'm a playgirl centre-fold or are planning on throwing more shit at me?"

Sam shook his head, he didn't have much choice than to believe the archangel. And frankly as long as he wasn't a Leviathan that's all that mattered to him. "Fine, let's go. We'll find a motel, but I want answers."

Gabriel followed after the retreating giant. "Fine, but I ain't getting back in the trunk." he said loud enough for the clerk to hear him.

Sam glared over his shoulder at the shorter man and smiled tightly at the teenager behind the counter. "Asshole." he grumbled.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam pulled into a small dank motel to find Gabriel once again asleep in the passenger seat. He sighed to himself, still feeling on edge from the man's revelation. He'd seen Cas powerless and a wreck, but Castiel was just an angel, Gabriel was so much more. An archangel and a false-pagan-god. How could all that power be gone? The younger Winchester climbed out of the car silently, not wanting to wake the powerless-angel until necessary. He got a room quickly without even think before strolling back to the car and grabbing his stuff from the trunk before banging on the window. He probably should have woken the man with a little more care but he couldn't deny shocking him awake was actually amusing.

Gabriel flung open the door, knocking into Sam's leg when he didn't move quickly enough. "What the hell man?"

"You wanted to sleep." Sam answered waving a room key.

"I was asleep." he scrubbed at his face.

"Fine, stay in the car if you want." Sam murmured heading off to the room, with a call of "Don't forget to lock the door." echoing over his shoulder.

Gabriel stumbled in behind Sam a few moments later and collapsed on the bed nearest him. Sam stared down at him with a sigh. The longer this went on the more concerned he was getting and with Cas in purgatory with Dean and Bobby gone forever, he had no one to talk to about it. Dropping down on the end of the other bed, Sam let his head fall into his hands. It wasn't the first time he'd been alone, but this time it felt like it. He had nothing now, no one to watch his back and a world full of leviathan's to face. He glanced over at the other bed.

And now a powerless archangel hanging around. Could his life get any worse? He fell back against the bed and closed his eyes, thankful when sleep claimed him.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

The ringing was a consistent annoyance in Gabriel's head. He tried to block it out by dragging the pillow over his ear but it wouldn't stop. Groaning with frustration he lifting himself up a little and glared over at the other bed, Sam lay on the end, dead to the world. And if he wasn't, he soon would be. Gabriel snatched the pillow from behind him and flung it at the unconscious hunter, causing him to jump and slid off the edge with a thumb. Gabriel grinned wickedly as he slumped back down onto the now pillow-less bed.

"What the holy hell!" Sam yelled.

"Answer you're damn phone!" Gabriel yelled back, shooting the man a death glare from between half-closed lids.

Sam rummaged around in his pocket for the phone and flipped it open, groaning at the sound of Garths voice. "Yeah, alright. Hold on." he scrambled to his feet and staggered half asleep towards nightstand, grabbing a pad and pen. "Alright, give it to me."

Gabriel giggled in his half-sleep state and groaned when the bed rocked as Sam kicked it.

"Alright Garth, I'll see to it. Sorry about the leg. See ya." Sam hung up and stared down at the pad. He really didn't want to hunt right now, he just wanted to figure out what had happened to Dean and get the son of a bitch back.

"Damn hunters, none of you understand the concept of sleeping in." Gabriel grumbled, flipping himself over on the mattress.

"Well, you know what you can do." Sam grumbled as he heaved his duffle onto the bed.

"Believe me Sammy, if I had that option…."

"Listen here, Gabe, call me Sammy one more time, and I'll leave your ass in the middle of a field, unconscious, with a label saying 'defenceless archangel needs shelter'. I can already see the padded room."

Gabriel glared over his shoulder. "You're so lucky I'm recharging."

Sam scoffed. "Recharging? Is that what it is?"

Gabriel dropped back down on the mattress. "Of course that's what it is. I'll be fine in a few days."

Sam scoffed. "We'll see. - In the meantime, get the hell up, we've got a job to do."

Gabriel's head snapped around. "Huh?"

"You can either pull your weight, or find someone else to look out for your ass." Sam snapped, yanking clothes out of his bag and heading to the bathroom.

"Are you serious?" He called after the young man.

Sam returned twenty minutes later to find Gabriel still passed out on the bed. Strolling over determinedly he gripped the side of the mattress and toppled it, sending the ex-archangel to the carpet.

"What the….."

"I said get the fuck up, which means get out of bed, change those disgusting clothes and get your ass in the car."

"And what exactly am I meant to wear!" Gabriel snapped, getting to his feet.

Sam flung him a clean shirt out of his bag, and pointed to the bathroom door.

Gabriel laughed, looking down at the clothes. "Are you kidding me? I don't know if you've notice Sasquatch, but I'm a bit smaller than you."

"You're a lot smaller than be, but it's all I've got so suffer."

Gabriel reluctantly made his way to the bathroom. "Believe me, I am."

It was another half hour before Gabriel strolled out of the bathroom with damp hair, a cloud of steam behind him. He'd put his dirty jean back on, but had traded his torn red check shirt for Sam's pale blue one. Sam was sat cleaning a shot gun and looked up.

"Happy?"

The hunter huffed and began to quickly reassemble the gun. Gabriel marched over to Sam duffle and shoved his dirty clothes inside.

"Hey!"

"What, there all I've got, and you've got the only bag." Gabriel replied, zipping the thing up.

Sam couldn't argue with that, so didn't bother. Getting to his feet, he put the shot gun into the other bag and heaved it up onto his shoulder and headed for the door.

Gabriel watched him go, looking down at the duffle for a moment, before lifting it over his shoulder and following the hunter. "So where we going?"

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

The drive to Pennsylvania was surprisingly quiet, but only because Gabriel spent most of that time sleeping. Sam hated to admit it, but he was actually a little worried, okay, a lot worried. While he was convinced he wasn't going to have to face another influx of leviathans or worse, it was extremely disheartening that Gabriel, an archangel and demi-god would be made so completely….human.

As it turned out the biggest danger in Pennsylvania didn't come from the nest of vamps praying on unsuspecting university students, but Gabriel. Or more precisely, the man's completely lack of common sense and self-preservation. Sam would have thought that an angel would have more sense than to let himself get cornered by two very pissed off vampire bitches, but then maybe the problem laid in the fact that an angel could just snap his fingers and poof, out of there. Or turn them to ash with just a touch. Which only went to prove that Gabriel wasn't much of an angel anymore.

They staggered into their new motel room, exhausted. Sam having to half carry the ex-angel. He'd been injured during the fight and now his borrowed shirt was slowly becoming covered in blood and he was growing pale once more, just has he'd began to regain a healthy colour.

Sam dropped his duffle on the floor by the door before dragging Gabriel to the bed and letting him fall in much the same manner, the ex-archangel groaning in pain. Taking a deep breath to still his frustration and anger, Sam headed over to his bed, pulling the other duffle back from beneath it. Ripping the zipper across furiously before he pulled out the medium sized tin that was their first-aid kit, then headed back over to Gabriel.

Crouching down in front of the battered and bruised man, laying the tin next to his knee, Sam reached out and dragged Gabriel into a sitting position, causing him to moan again. Once the man was up-right, he pushed the dirty and blood stained jacket off, then ripped open the shirt, thankful once again that all his shirts had poppers rather than traditional buttons. The tattered piece of material followed the jackets to bunch behind the ex-angel.

Gabriel sat there staring though half lidded eyes as Sam tended to his injuries. He was utterly ashamed of himself, he'd gone from an all-powerful demi-god and archangel to no better than a screaming infant. In fact an infant probably had more strength than he had right about now. He hadn't expected fighting off a couple of vampire would be so hard, or dangerous. He'd never really given hunters credit before now, they were just an occupational hazard with the IQ of an alley rat. And he most certainly hadn't given the Winchesters their dues. That Sam was carrying on, despite the fact he'd lost everything, showed a great strength of character.

His breath caught in his throat at the feel of Sam's warm finger against his abdomen as he tried to lift the tee he'd borrowed. His gaze locked questioningly on the tall hunter.

"You need to get this off…."

Gabriel gazed with a flirtatious smirk.

"…so I can tend your shoulder." Sam continued though gritted teeth.

The ex-angel rolled his eyes and laughed, then groaned and hissed at the tee was pulled up over his head and shoulders. He took a few deep breaths to control the pain, but it wasn't working. Though he'd felted worse. Getting shived by his brother hadn't exactly been a walk in the park. He swallowed hard at the memory. Part of him had wanted to believe he could fool Lucifer, but he'd known even before he'd tried he'd fail, that was why he'd given the boys the DVD. - The only thing he couldn't understand was why he'd bothered.

""You're lucky." Sam said, scanning the large, deep bite marks in Gabriel's shoulder.

"How you figure?" the man scoffed.

"You could be dead."

Gabriel shrugged. "Been there, done that. Wasn't so bad."

Sam looked at his disbelievingly and Gabriel chuckled. Sam turned his attention to the large wound and ignored the man. It had been a long time since he'd had to look after someone else. He picked up the tin and flipped back the lid. Sorting through the contents for the antiseptic and the gauze, luckily it didn't look like it was going to need stitches.

Flipping the lid of the antiseptic, he poured a small amount on a cotton-wool pad and gently brushed it around the wound, soaking up the blood, Gabriel hissing at the contact. Sam looked up at him for a moment to see his jaw clenched tight, before turning back to his task.

"Tell me Sammy, how do you do it?" Gabriel murmured through clenched teeth.

The young man glanced up at him with a raised brow.

"How do you go from having all that power to being…human?"

Sam clenched his jaw now, not sure if he was meant to feel insulted or angry, so decided on both. "Meaning?"

"Come on, Sammy. You had all those powers, all that strength, how can you live like this, useless, powerless…..weak?"

"I'm not weak." Sam snapped angrily. He didn't want to think about that time in his life, it hurt too much to remember what he'd done, the choices he'd made.

Gabriel met the young man's angry hazel gaze and swallowed. "No….I guess you're not." he murmured.

Sam's hands were resting on Gabriel's shoulder, immobile as he stared at the ex-angel.

"Then how am I meant to?" Gabriel added in almost a whisper.

"I don't know." Sam replied, matching his tone and volume.

Gabriel didn't know why he did it. - Shock, fear, stupidity. Hell it was probably some human need for comfort. Whatever it was it had him leaning forward. He thought it was slow but the fact that Sam didn't move away meant he'd probably caught him off guard. He pressed his mouth to Sam gently, taking a deep breath through his nose as he did so, pulling the man's lip between his own and sucking on it. To his surprise Sam still hadn't pulled away, and wasn't pushing or yelling. He was probably in shock by the action and Gabriel figure that when his brain started working again there would be hell to pay. Better make the most of it then. He told himself as he brought his hand up to grip the back of Sam's neck, holding him in place.

Sammy wasn't the first male he'd kiss, though granted he'd been in a female vessel the other times. It was most definitely a unique experience and an enjoyable one as he brushed his tongue over Sam's lips. Another wave of shock hit when the hunter opened his mouth and allowed him entry. Gabriel, never one to turn down an invitations, forged ahead, dipping inside in search of Sam's own tongue, teasing it to come and play, and moaning when it did.

The kiss was hotter than he expected, more intense and frantic, his hand sliding from Sam's neck into his overly-long hair. Gabriel had always considered himself a good kisser, a great kisser when the need took him, and the moan that rumbled through Sam's chest proved it true.

Then it was over and he was gasping in pain as Sammy shoved him away furiously, causing him to fall on his injured shoulder.

"What the hell!" Sam yelled incensed, putting as much distance between him and Gabriel as he could, wiping at his mouth.

Gabriel winced as he forced himself upright on the bed and glared at the tall Winchester. "So what, you'll screw a demon, but won't kiss an angel?"

Sam spun around to meet Gabriel gaze. "It's got nothing to do with you being a god-damn angel, you're a….guy."

Gabriel raised a disbelieving brow. "So this isn't about species but gender?" he gave a harsh laugh. "Well, it's a sad turn of event when Dean's the enlightened one." he scoffed, reaching for the gauze.

"And what's that meant to mean?" Sam snapped; arms folded across his chest.

Gabriel didn't look up as he haphazardly attempted to bandage his shoulder himself. "Dean thankfully doesn't have your hang-ups."

Sam laughed. "Are you kidding? Dean's way more anti-man-love than me. He's not quite homophobic but there's no way he'd kiss a guy."

Now Gabriel's head shot up, fixing Sam with a wide eyed gaping stare. "Seriously?"

"Yeah." Sam said straightening his back.

"No, I mean seriously, you don't….you haven't….Oh my god, are you serious?"

Sam frowned. "What's that meant to mean?"

Gabriel burst into laughter, wincing as he did so. It took a good few minutes for him to calm down and look up at a glaring Sam. "Wow, and there was me thinking you were the smart one." he shook his head, wiping his eyes and attempting to get his tee back over the messily bandaged shoulder.

"You want to enlighten me?" Sam snapped, growing frustrated.

"Oh, no." he shook his head enthusiastically "This is too good."

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Sam sat in the bar nursing his fifth beer of the night. It hadn't been all he'd drunk since walking in two hours ago, he'd also had three Jack Daniel's and two shot of tequila. He didn't know if he was trying to drink away the memory of Gabriel's tongue in his mouth, which had freaked him the hell out so much that he was still trying to make sense of it. - Or whether he was trying to forget he was on his own. Really alone this time. With no Dean, Cas, Bobby. Not even a single Campbell to call on. Sam had always wanted out of the life he'd been destine for, now he had the chance. But given the choice he'd take the monsters and death, if it meant having his family back.

Staring down at the amber liquor fighting back tears, he swallowed the lump in his throat as he threw back the last of the drink, slammed the glass down and called for another. As the bartender did his job Sam's gaze scanned the room, settling on the hot blonde who'd been sending looks his way since he'd walked in. He hadn't been interested then, but now he was. Deciding to take a page out of the Dean Winchester book of life management. Drink and sex solves all troubles. He sent the woman a seductive smile and a drink. Within moments she was at his side flirting outrageously, helping him forget everything.

An hour and too many drinks to count later Sam was staggering back to his motel room with the woman, whose name he'd been told but couldn't remember. Struggling to get the door open while simultaneously kissing and grinding against her. The pair stumbled into the room, wasting no time in stripping one another of their clothes in the dark. The backs of Sam's legs hit the edge of the bed, making him tumbled back onto the covers, taking the girl with him. A yell had the woman leaping back with a surprised and embarrassed scream, her hands covering her topless body. Sam sat up staring at the figure in the bed with a death glare.

"What the hell Sammy!" Gabriel yelled furiously, his sandy blond hair sticking up in a mass of strange angles as he switched on the light.

Sam didn't give an answer; he just fixed the man with his stare before something inside him snapped. His fist flying out before he even realised it to connect with Gabriel's nose. The ex-angel's hands flew up as blood began to drip from his nostril. Sam's date yelped in shock and rushed to collect her clothes before running from the room. Sam didn't care, didn't notice, his whole attention was on Gabriel as the angel took a few breaths, his amber eyes burning into Sam's.

Swiping at his nose with the back of his hand Gabriel looked down at the thin line of blood and felt fury blaze beneath his skin. He lifted his hand, his eyes boring holes in Sam's skull. Pressing his fingers together he snapped them, envisioning pain and torture for the hunter. But nothing happened, not even a wince crossed the Winchesters features.

The hunter laughed, a hard roar, almost evil laugh and Gabriel's fury grew dangerous. He flew forwards, his fist connecting with Sam's jaw as the hunter was forced back under the angel - ex-angel's bodyweight. Gabriel raining down blows, taking all his self-pity and frustration out on the younger man. Ignoring the pain that shot through his hands and arms.

Sam didn't just lie there and take it, he delivered his own blows, following Gabriel's lead and channelling his anguish into the fight. The pair rolled off the bed to land with a loud painful bang on the floor, but it didn't stop them from swinging at each other, they kept going until the distant sound of a mobile broke into their consciousness.

For a moment they were going to ignore it, preferring their current war, but suddenly Sam shoved the ex-angel off violently, sending Gabriel back into the end of the bed, as the hunter rummaged through his jacket pocket for the phone. Gazing down at the unknown number for a moment, he sucked in a deep breath and answered, cringing at the pain in his body.

"Hello?" Sam grumbled down the line, his voice rough. "Uh?" he frowned as the person on the other end introduced themselves. It took a few moments for the name to slide past the alcohol and settle, and another few for recognition to take hold. "Oh, yeah…of course, how are you?" it was a stupid question. People didn't just call to shoot the breeze. Especially not after four years. He was silent again, listening intently, his frown turning from one of confusion to concern. "Are you alright?" he asked quickly, his back straightening. "Where are you?" Sam nodded. "Alright." he took in the information and did some calculations as he got to his feet, swaying slightly. "Do you think you can get to Pennsylvania? Oh, okay well then just stay out of sight and we'll be there as soon as we can."

He hung up the phone and rushed for the bathroom, stepping over Gabriel on his way.

"Who was that?" the bloody angel asked wincing at the pain in his jaw.

"Claire."

Sam marched into the bathroom, spat blood into the sink and splashed cold water on his face. Looking up into the mirror he examined the slight bruise colouring his cheek. Behind him he caught sight of Gabriel, his face worse off than Sam's. The ex-angel looking all too human, his shoulder bandage stained with fresh blood.

"Who's Claire?"

Sam met his gaze in the mirror. "Jimmy Novak's daughter."

Gabriel frowned at the unfamiliar name. "Is that meant to mean something to me?"

Sam turned to fix the smaller man with a stare. "Castiel's vessel." he clarified blandly. "Something's happened, she need our help."

"Our?" Gabriel raised a brow.

Saw wasn't in the mood for banter or arguments. Shouldering past Gabriel, not caring about the man's wound, he began to redress, snatching the duffle from under the bed before heading for the door. Gabriel watched his every move with no sign of joining him. At the door Sam paused and looked back.

"I'll be at the dinner across the street, you've got ten minutes to get in the car or I'm leaving your ass behind." then he was gone.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Gabriel was in the back seat, head resting on a pillow he'd 'acquired' from the motel. Sam glared at him, when he saw the man sleeping, but wasn't in the mood to argue, a sleeping Gabriel was better than an awake Gabriel anyhow. Downing his fifth cup of coffee in five minutes, Sam claimed behind the wheel and groaned as the road blurred in front of him. He'd know he'd drank too much, but he'd hoped the coffee would clear his mind enough to drive, as it usually did. Of course, usually he had at least an hour or two's sleep under his belt. - Or a brother to do the driving. Glancing over his shoulder he stared at Gabriel, shaking his head. Dean would kill him if he let the ex-archangel drive, especially as he wasn't exactly up to par. - But then they needed to get to Claire Novak. She had sounded terrified on the phone, so what chose did he really have.

"Gabriel." Sam called over his shoulder, shaking the sleeping angel gently. When there was no response, he shook harder until he was forced to yell in the man's ear. "Gabriel!"

Gabriel shot up looking around confused. "What, what?" he glared at Sam.

"Can you drive?" Sam asked ignoring the man's anger.

"What?"

"Drive. Tell me that you know how."

"Sure."

Sam sighed with relief.

"I drive everywhere, cause I mean it's not like I can fly….oh wait!" he snapped his fingers. Clenching his jaw when nothing happened. "What do you think dumb-ass?"

Sam glared, the bitch face being an almost permanent fixture on the hunters face since Gabriel returned from the dead.

"Blow me." Sam snapped with a groan.

"Oh, now you want me to blow you?" the ex-archangel scoffed. "Ouch!" he yelped as Sam's large hand connected with the back of his head, rocking it forward.

"Just get your ass into this seat, because I can't drive and we need to get to Pontiac."

Gabriel smirked as he climbed into the empty seat as Sam slid over. "Dean-o's not going to be happy." he sang.

"Yeah, well…" Sam swallowed the lump in his throat. "…Dean ain't here."

Gabriel looked at the hunter with a sudden look of sympathy. "He'll be alright you know." he heard himself saying. "He's got Cas with him." he gave Sam a wink and grinned.

"Just shut up and drive." Sam replied harshly, his head turning to stare out of the window.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started this before Claire's reappearance in Season 10 (yes, I've been writing it that long) so in my head Claire is the original actress and therefor holds no resemblance to the Claire Novak on the show now. – That goes for her backstory too.


	3. Chapter 3

Surprisingly Gabriel didn't get them killed on the drive to Pontiac. Sam found himself falling asleep in the passenger seat once they left the state, feeling oddly at ease. The problem with hunting alone was that you had to do all the driving. Of course, with Dean he'd mostly sat there reading maps while his big brother drove, because Dean hated not being behind the wheel of his baby.

Sam woke twenty miles out of Illinois, and for a moment he'd forgotten who was next to him. He stretched out his long body, groaning loudly. Once he was relaxed he turned his head expecting to see Dean and almost jumped out of his skin at the sight of Gabriel sat beside him. He then rubbed his eyes, made another groaned. Taking a deep breath he turned to the ex-archangel. The man looked exhausted and Sam felt a stab of guilt. He'd left all the driving to him and it wasn't a short drive.

"Have you stopped?" he asked, already knowing the answer. If Gabriel had pulled over somewhere, he would have woken up and taken over.

Gabriel shrugged dismissively. "No."

"Why the hell not?" Sam snapped. "Why didn't you wake me to take over?"

Gabriel shrugged again. "You just looked too adorable sleeping like that."

"Blow me."

"Seriously Sammy, you need to make up your mind." Gabriel joked.

"Pull over." Sam ordered.

Gabriel's head snapped around, eyes wide with surprise and maybe a little interest. Okay more than a little. "Seriously?"

Sam's gaze narrowed. "I'm driving." he growled, ignoring the light in the ex-angel's eyes.

Gabriel slumped in the seat, releasing a huff of something that very well might have been disappointment. "Is there really any point, we'll be at our destination soon, I may as well carry on."

Sam glared at him and Gabriel sighed, turning the wheel and steering the Chevy onto the side of the road. Sam got out and Gabriel shifted over on the seat, folding his arms over his chest as Sam got back in. He started the engine to pull away from the dirt track but paused when Gabriel spoke.

"You sure you don't want to reconsider?" he winked.

Sam turned half way in his seat and fixed Gabriel in a murderous stare. "If you make any more lurid or suggestive comments like that, I'm going to leave you on the side of the road and you can mouth off to whichever crazy trucker happens to pick you up."

"Jeez." Gabriel huffed, turning his head into the window. "Grouch. Dean was right; you really don't have a sense of humour."

"No, you're just to infuriating to be funny." Sam snapped as the Impala moved away.

"Some say endearing."

The rest of the ride as carried out in silence, mostly because Gabriel fell asleep after a few moments.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Gabriel was awoken by Sam's large hand shoving at his shoulder as he climbed out of the Impala. Groaning the ex-archangel got out and stretched his back. "I guess we're here." Sam didn't reply as he headed for the trunk, pulling out the demon knife and handing it over to Gabriel. The angel frowned. "And what am I meant to do with that?"

"The pointy end goes into the demon. And try not to get killed."

Gabriel looked from the knife to Sam. "What about you?"

Sam lifted out a shot gun and a bottle of holy water.

"You can't seriously be going in there with just that? I thought you had that Colt."

"I do. - I just don't have anything to fire from it." Sam grumbled regretfully. They'd used up all the bullets years ago with no hope of more in sight.

Gabriel shook his head as he marched after the tall hunter, who was heading straight for the abandoned building. "This is insane!" he whispered at the door.

"No, this is my job. - Though I have to admit, things would be a hell of a lot easier if you weren't a dead battery."

Gabriel glared at the insult. "Blow me, Sasquatch." he snapped.

"In your dreams, midget."

Sam pushed open the door slowly, cautiously looking around for any sign of danger. There was nothing. He listened intently as he moved further inside, Gabriel behind him huffing in protest to being put in danger. Sam waved his hand to the right as he moved left. Gabriel glared at him but headed off in the opposite direction, mumbling under his breath.

The ground floor was quickly found to be empty.

"Maybe she's not here." Gabriel whispered. "Maybe she split."

Sam shook his head and took the first step up the staircase.

"Sure, ignore me. What's new? You never change. I try and keep you from getting yourself killed and you just march on, never listening." Gabriel grumbled to himself.

"Shhhh!"

They crept up the stairs slowly, Sam continuing to listen and watch for any threat. They stepped out into a large open area and Sam waved for Gabriel to go the other way. The archangel once again doing as instructed while still complaining.

"This is a total waste of time. She's not even here. Though thankfully, neither is anyone else." After a thousand years on earth, among humans, he'd think he'd learn never to say shit like that.

A yell had him turning in time to see Sam fighting off three demons. Without hesitation, Gabriel threw the knife across the large expanse of the room to imbed itself in one of the demons backs. Watching as Sam pulled it free and moved to despatch the two remaining demons. Gabriel turned at a sound behind him and was rushed by one of his own. He hit out on instinct, his natural training kicking in. His hand rising to grip the woman's head. Light filled the small space as the demon was burnt out of the host, leaving both dead. Gabriel staggered backwards as his legs turned to jello beneath him. He turned to look for Sam and found him fighting off more demons. They needed to get the hell out of there. He moved towards the hunter only to find his path block by a man with black dangerous eyes. Panic, fear and anger boiled inside him and once again instinct took over as he reached out his hand, grabbing the man by the throat. Gabriel panted as he took hold of the man's head with his other hand and murmured under his breath, casting out the demon.

The body fell at his feet and he staggered again as he continued on his way to Sam. He paused as two figures by a door caught his attention. They were on the second floor and there were no windows on that wall. Gabriel altered his direction and headed over. The moment the demons saw him they had the common sense to vanish. Yanking to door open Gabriel stared down at a blonde haired teenager. It didn't take Einstein to figure out it was Claire Novak. Hold out his hand he whispered. "Come with me if you want to live." it should have been amusing, but he was too tired to care.

Claire took his hand and was pulled to her feet. Gabriel turned and began to drag her towards Sam, who was still fighting off demons. The ex-archangel's eyes grew wide when he saw a large man with huge muscles and a blade in his hand bring the thing down on Sam's back. The hunter yelled out in pain and Gabriel's stomach dropped to his toes. He didn't know where it came from, or how he was able to gather the energy but before he knew it, they were in the Impala. Claire lying on her side in the backseat, Sam slumped against the passenger window. Gabriel looked at the steering wheel and groaned, reaching over his thrust his hand into the hunter's pocket, pulling violently at the keys.

The Impala speed away from the building, side swiping another car as it fled. Gabriel kept drive until they weren't just away from the building but from the city itself. Miles away from the metropolis, the angel saw a dirt road that looked like it hadn't been used in years. Turning the car up it, he found an old abandon farm house that looked on the verge of collapse. He cut the engine and slumped in the seat, glancing over his shoulder to find Claire unconscious, probably from the same come-down that Gabriel was succumbing to as he sat there. His whole body trembling under the weight of what had happened. Before he realised it, he was being pulled under and into the abyss.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

The sun woke Gabriel up with a groan, his head lulling back against the leather of the driver's seat. Cracking open an eye he stared out of the windscreen at the abandoned farm house. His body felt like a lead weight, he could barely lift his head, so he turned it instead to find Sam sat unconscious next to him. Turning further he caught sight of the young girl in the back seat. They couldn't stay out here forever, as much as he wanted too. As he turned forward again he noticed the dark stain on Sam's jacket, and suddenly realised the scent of blood was in the air. Forcing his body to move, he leant toward the taller man, slipping his hand behind his back and coming back with fingers coated in blood. His chest clenched tightly. "Dammit. - Hey, kiddo." he called, shaking Sam's shoulder and cringing when a weak moan was his reply. "Kiddo?" another moan had Gabriel pausing in his attempts to wake the man. Turning once again he reached for the girl. "Hey, kid! Kid…." what was her name? "Claire. Claire!" he yelled.

Claire shot up on the backseat with a startled expression. "Huh?"

"We need to get inside." before he'd even finished speaking they were standing in the middle of the farm house, staring at cobwebs. Well, not all of them were standing; Sam was slouched over on a battered couch.

"What?" Claire looked around in surprised, looking from Gabriel to Sam and back. "You're….?"

"Angel. Go check if the waters running." Gabriel replied, staggering a little on his weak legs.

Claire rushed off quickly, leaving Gabriel to stumble over to tend to Sam.

Claire returned a few moments later with a bowl of water and what looked like clean towels. Gabriel raised a brow but smiled. "In the car's trunk you'll find a duffle, bring it in."

Claire was off again. Gabriel pulled Sam upright and fought to get his jacket off his large Sasquatch shoulders, followed swiftly by the plaid shirt, dropping both items on the floor. It wasn't the easiest task in the world undressing an unconscious man, especially one of Sam's side and build. Epically when Gabriel wasn't exactly built to match and had lost almost all of his grace. With the jacket and shirt removed Gabriel began to tug at the hem of the grey t-shirt. It wasn't any easier. He was about to give up when he heard rushing footsteps. Turning he smiled as Claire appeared with the duffle bags. Dropping them at Gabriel's feet.

"Thanks Kiddo."

"What now?" she frowned.

Gabriel shrugged. "I don't have a clue. I guess you might as well make yourself at home. No. Wait." he stalled her. "Did you see any salt in the kitchen?"

"Right. I'll check. Doors and windows right?"

Gabriel smiled with a nod. As she ran off again, he turned back to his task at hand. He wished he had enough grace to just heal the hunter but that wasn't going to happen, not anytime soon. Bending over the duffle he rummaged through the clothes to find the first aid tin Sam had used on him.

He flipped up the lid and sighed, pulling out a small pair of scissors. Turning back to the hunter he began to cut up the center of the grey tee, ignoring the fusion of heat that seeped into him as warm tanned flesh was revealed to his gaze. When he'd cut it all the way to the neck he pushed it aside, giving himself the opportunity to brush his palms against the warm skin as he did so. With the material hanging loosely on either side of Sam's board chest, he reached for the towel and water. Cleaning the wound in the man's side. He didn't care about being gentle, and while he did received some pained moans but mostly Sam was out for the count.

When the water and towel were stained red Gabriel put them aside and pulled the tin back onto his lap.

"Kitchen and upstairs are done." Claire said rushing back into the window.

Gabriel nodded over to her as she made her way to the large window behind the couch. The ex-angel pulled out a needle and thread. He had absolutely no idea what he was doing. He was a damn archangel-turned-pagan god, when had he ever needed to know how to stitch up a wound.

"Is he going to be alright?" Claire asked, leaning over the back of the couch.

Gabriel looked at Sam's pale features and the wound in his side. "I hope so Kid." Taking a deep breath he went to work.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Gabriel groaned as he fidgeting on the couch, cracking his eyes open. He didn't know how long he'd slept but it couldn't have been long. He still felt tired, bone wary. His gaze scanned the room. Claire was curled up asleep in the chair, while Sam was laid spread out across the couch with him, the giant's feet resting in his lap. Gabriel had to admit that he didn't at all like the look of the hunter, too pale. Deathly so. Gabriel chewed his lips unsure that to do.

Glancing over at the sleeping teenager Gabriel felt his stomach clench, she had to be protected, and he knew that. He also knew he couldn't do it. Turning he looked back at Sam and shifted closer. It wasn't like he was even meant to be here anyway, right? Closing his eyes, Gabriel reached for that small tiny bit of grace clinging to the corners of his existence. Reaching out his hand, he laid it over the wound. The heat seeping into his bones, his muscles and his flesh, before pouring out of him in a dim light.

The light died behind his eyes before it died in the room. The last thing he felt was Sam taking a deep breath and a heavy hand shaking his shoulder.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Gabriel opened his eyes slowly, groaning at the dull light that flooded in after an eternity of darkness.

"Your wake." Sam's voice rang in his head like an unwelcome bell.

"How long was I out?" Gabriel murmured, not moving from his place on the bed.

"Three days." Sam informed him matter-of-factly, no feeling or concern in his ton. "How do you feel?"

Gabriel thought about that for a moment. "Empty." he sighed, closing his eyes once more as a fresh wave of wariness over took him.

Sam stared at the ex-archangel. When he'd come round he'd found the man passed out on top of him, his wound healed. He'd figured out what had happened instantly. The damn idiot had healed him and almost died in the process.

"You shouldn't have done it. I would have healed." Sam snapped.

"You were getting a fever." Gabriel replied, his eyes locked shut. "Claire needed to be protected and we both know I'm in no condition to do it. So your life for mine. I'm dead already, remember."

Sam huffed, grumbling nonsense under his breath.

"Where is Claire?" Gabriel asked, eyes still closed to the world.

"Down stairs, watching TV. Reading."

"Why are you even still here? You should be out finding somewhere safe for her. Trying to figure out what they want with her."

"We're safe here. I've demon and angel proofed the whole house. Even got enough bleach to clean the white house for a year. We're staying put for the time being."

Gabriel finally opened his eyes. "For how long?"

Sam didn't answer, instead taking the bowl of cold water and marching out of the room.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

"How is he?" Claire asked the moment Sam appeared at the bottom of the stairs.

"Awake."

"Is he alright? I mean…."

"He's alive. Other than that." he shrugged.

Claire had been fussing over Gabriel for days, worrying about him, asking questions. She'd sat at his bedside for hours until Sam had to drag her away. When he'd asked why she care, she'd just shrugged and said she didn't know, but that she just couldn't help but be drawn to him. Sam had quickly put it down to her small stint as an angel.

"Can I go see him?"

Sam was tempted to say no, instead he just shrugged and listened to her rush up the stairs as he poured the water down the drain. He couldn't explain why but he'd been angry at the man for days. Even before he'd woken up to find him near dead in his lap. Though that had really put the cherry on the cake. He'd thought it was because of the lies in the past and the fear that he might not be all he seemed, but if he was honest, he suspected it was rooted in what had happened between them. In Gabriel's attempted seduction. In that kiss they'd share that made his stomach churn at the same moment as making his body warm. Whatever it was, he couldn't shake it.

With the bowl empty, he set it aside and strolled into the ramshackle living room, grabbing his computer. One thing Gabriel was right about, they needed to know why demons were after Claire. He boosted up his computer for the first time in days and began to search for anything that might lead him to answers, but with little to go on, and with no one to call for help, Sam's research came to nothing.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Three days later Gabriel was out of bed and it didn't take Sam long to realise that he wasn't an archangel or pagan god anymore when he stubbed his toe on the stairs as he descended on unsteady legs. He'd yelled blue murder, bringing Sam running in front the kitchen, with a shot gun at the ready.

"For crying out loud Gabriel!"

Gabriel hopped over to the ratty couch with his bare foot in his hand. Crashing down on the worn out cushions. "Don't shout at me Sasquatch!" he yelled back. "I think I've broken my foot."

Claire was sat at the open fireplace, watching the pair of them, a look of amusement on her face. She'd been listening to them argue for days and it never ceased to make her want to laugh. She had once received two furious glares from the pair.

Rolling his eyes, Sam put the shot-gun on the couch and knelt to drag the now human archangel's foot into his lap. "Can you bend your toes?"

"Are you crazy?"

"Bend them or I will." Sam demanded.

With his amber eyes boring into Sam's face, he cringed as he forced his toes to bend, hissing at the pain.

"It's not broken. You just stabbed it, it'll be fine in a few minutes." Sam dropped the foot unceremoniously and got to his feet, heading back to the kitchen.

"You could be a little more sympathetic." Gabriel grumbled.

Sam glared at him. "Oh, you mean like you've been."

"Meaning?"

"I don't remember you being too sympathetic when you killed all those people at that university. Or when you killed Dean a thousand times."

"Hey, no fair. I was trying to help."

Sam scoffed and walked out of the room. Gabriel didn't wait a second, he pushed himself out of his seat and rushed after the man.

"Hey, it would have worked if it hadn't been for the demon whore you were screwing. - And I never killed anyone. Those jerks back at the university killed their damn selves, I just presented them with the choice!"

Sam turned to meet the shorter man's gaze. "Watch your damn mouth!" he yelled pointing to the other room. "And it wasn't all down to Ruby. You could have just told me straight out what was planned. Maybe I wouldn't have trusted her in the first place."

"You were already trusting her!" Gabriel snapped. "Would you really have listened to me over the bitch that was yanking your chain? - You didn't even listen to Dean, for heaven's sake. You were so sure you were right! That you knew best and look were it got us? You got me killed, you almost got us all killed! So don't lay that shit at my door!"

Sam's green eyes bored into him, his fingers curling up tight as he itched to punch the little shit in the face. He took a step forward, towering over the ex-archangel, his jaw clenched so tight he could almost feel his teeth cracking under the pressure. Gabriel's gaze was locked with him, not so much as batting an eyelid. The room was filled with an electrifying tension that sucked all of the air out. The only sound was the heavy breaths of the two men.

Then it was broken as Claire came rushing in, face flushed, and eyes wide.

"Sam! I think you need to see this."

Sam stepped back quicker than he probably should have, his eyes flickering to Claire with a hint of guilt, like he'd been caught doing something he shouldn't have. "What?"

"I think….it's a case."

Sam frowned. "A case? Claire…"

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

"I can't go on a hunt. I need to…."

"I'll be fine, we'll be fine." Claire insisted, glancing over at Gabriel who sat on the couch watching the exchange. "Right Gabriel?"

"Don't look at me kid, Sasquatch's the boss. Right Sammy?"

Sam glared at him. "He can't protect you Claire."

"You have a job Sam. I know how important it is. We both do." she smiled at Gabriel again, wanting his help, but the ex-archangel just shrugged. "You can't stop hunting. People need you."

"You need me."

"This house is safe." Claire insisted, waving at the Enochian and sigils and devils traps on every available survive. "We'll be fine for a few days."

Sam shook his head. "I can't."

Claire slumped. "So you're just going to give up and do what? Shuffled around the house, going slowing out of your mind and fighting endlessly with Gabriel till you finally kill each other?"

Sam glanced at the other man, clenching his jaw tight.

"Dean would want you to keep hunting."

"She's got you on that one, Sammy."

"Don't call me Sammy." the hunter snapped, narrowing his gaze at the pair. "And Dean's not here."

"So?"

"So I don't have to do what he says or wants anymore." Sam grumbled, getting to his feet.

"And what about when he gets back?" Gabriel said nonchalantly. "How's he going to feel when he finds out you turned your back on your duty?"

Sam's head snapped around to glare at the ex-angel. "He isn't coming back." he said, his voice filled with pain.

"Right, because our brothers don't have a talent for resurrection?" Gabriel scoffed, rolling his eyes. "If I made it out of that place, I'll lay money that those two are already finding a way home."

Sam shook his head. It wasn't that he didn't want believe that, it was that he couldn't to believe it. They'd used up all their chances between the three of them. Their luck had to have run out by now and he couldn't hold on to that hope again, it would kill him.

"Listen Sasquatch, whether you like it or not this is who you are. You're a hunter. Now if you think you can live with yourself knowing that people out there are going to die while you sit back and do nothing, fine. Go ahead. But don't use us as an excuse!" Gabriel snapped getting off the couch and marching out of the house.

Sam watched him go with a frown, his eyes following his exit. After a few moments he turned back to Claire inhaling deeply. "Fine. Print that up."

Claire beamed at him as Sam turned and followed the ex-angel out of the house.

Gabriel was sat on the porch, staring out over the empty abandoned field. Sam lowered himself down next to him.

"What to tell me what that was all about?" Sam asked quietly.

Gabriel shrugged.

"Gabriel?"

"Look. I was just…." he sighed and dropped his head into his hands. "You can still make a difference." he murmured after a few minutes, looking up at the dried grass.

Sam sat silently, watching the wind play with the field. "And what if I just want to…."

"Give up? Quit?" Gabriel whispered.

"Yeah."

"Trust me, running away won't help. I should know. Eventually you'll hate yourself."

Sam looked at him out of the corner of his eyes.

"Eventually someone will turn up on your doorstep and make you see just how selfish you were being, and it'll be too late to fix it."

"You did fix it." Sam murmured. "You help us stop Lucifer. - Hell, you tried to stop it from happening."

"Yeah, too little too late." Gabriel shook his head, scoffing at himself.

Sam watched him, took in the dark rings beneath his once bright eyes. Noticed for the first time the paleness of his features and his stomach clenched. He'd been so focused on being angry at the ex-angel; he hadn't considered how any of this was really affecting him.

"I'll be heading out soon, which means you're going to have to watch over Claire. - You going to be alright with that?"

Gabriel's head snapped around to stare wide eyed at him. "You're going?"

Sam shrugged. "Just this once."

Gabriel smirked. "Yeah, sure."

"Are you going to be okay watching over Claire?" Sam repeated, ignoring the ex-angel's remark.

"We'll be fine. - I may be a dead battery Sammy, but I'm still an archangel, I can kick a little ass when the moment presents itself."

Sam looked him up and down. "Yeah, sure you can."

"Yeah. I have you know, I…."

Sam didn't give him time to finish, he pushed himself off the steps and marched back into the house.

It took him an hour to gather his stuff and talk the pair through the dos and don'ts.

"Yes, honey. We know. No letting in the evil demons that want our heads on a stick." Gabriel chuckled, his arm slung nonchalantly over Claire's shoulders as the watched Sam load the trunk.

"Just be careful. I should be back in three day."

Gabriel rolled his eyes. "We'll be fine, just go already. We've got a party to plan."

Sam's head snapped around to glare at Gabriel.

"He's kidding Sam." Claire laughed, nudging Gabriel in the ribs. "Stop talking or he'll never leave."

Sam looked between the pair, weighing up if he really should go. - Whether he wanted to go. Finally in inhaled deeply and opened the driver's door. "Okay. Three days."

Claire nodded. "See ya soon."

The pair stood watching the Impala distance itself from the house, both of them waving. When the car had finally vanished, Gabriel released a wary sigh. He felt Claire slip from under his arm, but he didn't move from his spot on the driveway, his eyes still fixed on the now empty horizon. A silent prayer going around his head that Sam would return in one piece. - Not that he cared.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam slumped behind the steering wheel, tired and aching. Claire's simple case had turned out to be more complicated then he'd expected. Not that he should have been really that surprised, that was his life. What he'd thought was going to be only a few days had turned into a week. Now he was on a three hundred mile drive back home. Not that the crumbling ruin of a house was home. He couldn't even call the pair to let them know the job was going to take longer.

He glanced at the passenger seat and the plastic bag holding two cells. He wasn't being out of contact with the pair again. He'd spent the past five day worrying whether they'd gotten themselves captured or worse killed. He took a hard left out of the nearby town and felt himself relax the closer he got to the abandoned farm house. The moment he caught sight of the dirt trail he released a breath he hadn't realised he was holding.

Stones and mud clung to the wheels of the Impala as he pulled to a halt. Swing open the door he looked up at the house that looked different somehow. His gaze scanned the yard and he caught sight of a pickup truck. His heart leapt into his throat with fear and grabbing his shotgun he rushed up the front steps bursting into the house.

"Gabriel! Claire!" he yelled, searching the room.

"Sam!" Claire cried rushing down the stairs with a wide grin. "Your home."

"Yeah….where's…?."

"Hey there Sasquatch." Gabriel greeted cheerfully. "Want to put the gun down before someone gets hurt?"

Sam's head snapped around to see Gabriel stood in the doorway of the kitchen, wiping his hands on a dish cloth, white powder on his cheek. Sam absolutely did not feel his heart skip at the sight. "Whose truck is that outside?"

"Ours." Claire answered proudly. "Gabriel found it in the barn. It's kinda crap but it got us into town."

"You went to town?" he snapped accusingly at Gabriel.

"What were we meant to do, starve?" Gabriel shrugged, turning back to the kitchen.

Sam clenched his jaw.

"You were gone longer than you said." Claire said worriedly. "We thought…." she swallowed, looking at her feet.

"Yeah, sorry, case took longer than I planned and I couldn't call." he glanced around the large living room. "Is that a new couch?"

"Not exactly. It's second hand. We got a load of furniture from this old lady in town. She was moving into a retirement village and Gabe charmed her into giving us her unwanted furniture." Claire explained excitedly.

"Did he?" Sam frowned.

Claire nodded. "She made us cookies too. Gave Gabe the recipe."

Sam sniffed the air. "I see. - And how exactly did you _pay_ for the food?" he suddenly felt guilty, he really hadn't thought about a lot when he took off on the hunt.

Gabriel returned minus the dish cloth. "You at least were kind enough to leave us with some cash."

"I did?" Sam frowned, thinking back.

"Well, I found cash and cards in Dean's bag." Gabriel shrugged nonchalantly.

"Right."

Sam looked around the house again, noticing that it looked a lot more homely than when he'd left. "You've been busy." the walls were still covered in Enochian and devils traps but it looked less dust ridden.

"Well, if we're stuck here for the foreseeable future, we should at least make ourselves at home. Right kid?" Gabriel grinned.

Claire smiled, brushing past Sam to drop down on the couch with a book.

"We can't stay here."

Gabriel looked at Sam with a raised golden brow. "And where do you expect us to go? Hit the road and stay in an endless stream of grotty motel rooms? I have a feeling that might draw suspicion."

"Why?" Sam frowned.

"Two guys." he waved between them. "And a teenager girl. Doesn't look good Winchester." he smirked.

Sam glared at his meaning. "Fine. But only until…."

"When? - Till the demons stop looking for her? Something tells me that's not going to happen anytime soon. - Or maybe you mean until you feel that we can look after ourselves. Well, as you can see we've done perfectly alright without you for the past week, so if you want to split, then split."

"Yeah, give me a break, alright."

Gabriel huffed. "Fine. Dinner will be ready in ten."

"You're cooking?" Sam frowned cautiously.

Gabriel didn't say anything, just turning around and marching back to the kitchen.

"He cooked?" Sam repeated, looking to Claire for confirmation.

Claire nodded. "Mrs Hammond gave him her recipe book. - He pretty good."

Sam felt like he'd slipped into another universe. He stumbled over to the couch and fell into the cushions with a sigh of relief. His head falling back and his eyes closing, and all the stress of the pass week seemed to just slip away. When Sam finally felt at ease and almost at home, he opened his eyes and sent a side glanced at Claire. The teenagers head was bowered over a book.

"What you reading?" She held up the cover and Sam frowned. "Where did you get that?"

"Gabe ordered it on-line. He said we need to be prepared."

Sam stared at the hard gold embossed cover of an Enochian tome, his eyes shifting to a bookshelf across the room where they were others. Pushing himself off the couch he walked over to scan the titles. They were all hunters' books, none of them particularly rare but useful all the same.

"He's teaching me Enochian." Claire added.

Sam's head shot around to stare at her with wide eyes. "I've been gone a week and he's turned you into a hunter?" he didn't know why he felt so angry, and going by the look on her face, neither did Claire.

"Those demons killed my mom. They're after me. What do you want me to do?"

"Mourn. - Trust me Claire, revenge is all well and good until you lose your soul."

"Took you long enough to learn that lesson Sammy. Dinners ready."

"I'm not going to be a victim Sam." Claire said firmly, getting off the couch angrily and marching off to the kitchen.

Sam stared at Gabriel. "You tried to stop me from hunting and now you're teaching her?"

"I tried to stop you going out for revenge that was going to destroy the world. I never wanted you to stop hunting!" Gabriel defended. "She needs something to focus on, something to get her through. - It's not revenge Sam, its strength and that only comes with wisdom." he turned, marching back into the kitchen.

Sam watched Gabriel leave, then turned to look around the room. It all seemed…normal. Calm. – Home.

"Sam. Dinner!" Gabriel yelled from the kitchen.

Sam's feet were moving before he even realised it.

Sam stepped into the kitchen to find Clair and Gabriel seated around the polished oak table, Gabriel dishing up the evening meal. Pulling out his chair, he cautiously took a seat. He glanced over at Clare as she lifted her fork and tucked in. Sam watched her expression intently, trying to judge if he really wanted to risk eating whatever it was the ex-angel had prepared. When she smile over at him, her jaw working to chew, he picked up his own fork and glanced down at the plate.

"What is it?" he asked, poking at the meat and sauce.

"Chilli. - Don't worry, I didn't poison it." Gabriel murmured. "I wouldn't waste perfectly good food."

"And there apple pie for desert. Right?" Claire grinned.

"Yep. Though if Sammy doesn't eat all his dinner, he ain't getting none." Gabriel huffed, starting to tuck in to his dinner.

Sam looked between the pair nervously before lifting the fork to his lips. He closed his eyes as he opened his mouth and inhaled sharply. They flew open in surprised as the Chilli hit his taste-buds. "Oh…this…it tastes good."

"Gee Sammy, don't have to sound so surprised." Gabriel huffed, rolling his eyes at Claire.

Sam lost himself in the food, listening as Claire told him what she and Gabriel had done while he was hunting. For the first time in a while he actually felt….settled. - Though he knew it wasn't going to last. It never did.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

"How's it going?" Gabriel asked, appearing beside the truck, sipping at his tall glass of ice tea.

Sam straightened up, stretching his back with a groan as he wiped the oil from his hands. "I'm surprised you were able to get to town and back with this thing." he grumbled, reaching for Gabriel's glass.

"Hey!" Gabriel complained, shooting him a glare.

"I've done all I can." he took a large couple of gulps, almost emptying the glass before handing it back. "Dean only taught me so much."

Gabriel glanced over the side of the engine. "Looks good to me."

"Yeah. It'll run, and that's all that matters right?" he sighed, reaching to close the hood. "Where's Claire?"

"Studying."

Sam took a deep breath. "Maybe we should think about getting her into the local school."

"Why?" Gabriel frowned, leaning his hip on the side of the truck, his eyes fixed on the taller man.

"You said yourself she needs something to take her mind off everything." He turned to stare down at the ex-angel. "And…." he trailed off sadly.

"And….you don't want her turning into you and your brother."

"She's not a Winchester!"

A sudden bang of the back door had the pair's heads turning around and they groaned at the same moment.

"And you say I've got a big mouth!" Gabriel snapped, rushing up the porch steps into the house, Sam swiftly following.

They found Claire in the living room on the couch, her head buried into a book. Her face flushed. The light in the room glistening of the water pooling in her eyes.

"Kiddo?"

"Claire I….what I…."

"It's fine." She choked. "It's true; I'm nothing to do with you."

"Hey, that's not true." Gabriel said quickly, dropping down next to her on the couch. His arm instantly going around her shoulder, pulling her closer to him. "You're kinda like my niece right? I mean my bro's riding around in your dad so….man that sounds so wrong." he chuckled, shaking his head.

Claire looked over at him with a small sad smile, sniffling back the tears that were already making their way up her throat.

"Claire I just meant that you're not….that I don't think your family would want you doing this." he gestured wildly. "They'd want you to have a normal life."

"I don't have a normal life. My dad's….gone. My mom was killed by demons trying to protect me. I'm being hunted by said demons for some reason none of us know. How is any of that normal?"

Sam sighed; running his fingers through his hair. "It's not. But that doesn't mean you can't have normal. Believe me this life isn't what you want."

"Your right." Claire started, getting to her feet. "It's not. I want my family back. I want to go home and forget any of this stuff exists." her voice tightened with tears. "But I _can't_ , they're gone, and all I have now is you two."

Sam's breath caught in his throat and he glanced over at Gabriel who was looking at him with a raised intrigued brow.

"She's right." the ex-archangel murmured, shrugging his shoulders dramatically.

Sam exhaled slowly. "I…." he closed his eyes, surrendering to the inevitable "Fine. But I still think you should go to school."

"And tell them what?" Gabriel asked. "You got a cover story?"

"What have you already told everyone?"

"That I'm Albert Harby's nephew."

"Who?"

"The guy that used to own this place. Don't know what happened to him, no one seems to have seen him in a while. I told them he'd moved to Florida, and I brought the house off him."

"What about Claire?" he frowned, his hands slipping into his pocket.

Claire smiled with a giggle, swiping at the tears. "I'm his daughter."

"And they brought that?" Sam frowned, looking between the pair.

"And why wouldn't they?" Gabriel demanded insulted. "I didn't say biological."

Claire laughed and Sam felt tightness in his stomach.

"What _did_ you say?" he narrowed his gaze, already dreading the answer.

Gabriel shrugged nonchalantly. "I said nothing. – I mean…." He glanced over to Claire. "Claire kinda said I was her father before I could get a word in and well…before I knew what I was saying I…I might have said that me and my partner had adopted her."

"Your…partner?"

"My…" Gabriel looked at Sam with a smirk. "Gay life partner. – Soon to be husband as soon as the state gets its head out of its ass."

Sam glared furiously. "You told the town we're gay?"

"Hey, I was thinking on my feet. We've already said how bad it would look to have two grown men living with a sixteen year old with no real reason, so I gave us a reason."

"You could have said we were family."

"I did."

"I mean brothers and sister."

"Oh right, they won't buy us being her two dads but they'd buy us all being related?" Gabriel scoffed waving his hand between them all.

Sam groaned; he knew the ex-angel was right, but he hated it. It wasn't that he care whether people thought he was gay, that was Dean's beef. He just didn't like the idea of people thinking he was with Gabriel. "I could have all been adopted! – Or you could have been our uncle." He waved between him and Claire.

Gabriel was silent for a few seconds before shrugging nonchalantly. "Well I didn't think of that."

"Obviously." Sam grumbled.

"Hey, look if you're worried about getting lucky in town, don't be. Girls are always eager to try and turn a guy straight." Gabriel snapped.

Sam glanced embarrassingly over at Claire. "Gabriel, this is not the time or place to talk about…."

Claire didn't give him a change to finish, picking up her book and marching out of the house. "I'm gonna go read on the porch."

"See what you did?"

" _Me_?" Gabriel gapped.

"Yes _you_! You embarrassed her."

"I did no such thing. She's sixteen, Sam, I'm pretty sure she knows how the world works!"

"That is _not_ the point."

"No, the point is you don't want people thinking you're fucking me!"

Sam cringed at the language, even though he'd heard worse.

"Why exactly? Is this down to you being a homophobic dickhole again?"

"I've told you I'm not homophobic!" Sam snapped furiously. "I don't care who people sleep with…"

"You just don't want people thinking that you're gay!"

"Yes…No. I mean, I'm not gay and I don't want people….This isn't about any of that."

"So let me ask, would you be complaining if I didn't look like this? Maybe if I was more like you, all tall and muscled and build like a brick shit house!"

Sam frowned. "What? What the hell are you on? I don't give a shit how you look. I'm not….I don't date people because of how they look!" he wasn't even sure what the hell he was saying anymore. How the hell had they gotten onto his type?

"Right, sure. I could look like the back end of a horse as long as I didn't have a dick!"

"Holy hell what are you talking about? What does any of this have to do with anything?" he shouted. Gabriel was shaking, Sam could see it. His whole body trembling. "Gabriel, I think you need to calm down. Take a breath."

"You know what, your right!" he snapped furiously as he brushed past Sam, obviously trying to shoulder him out of the way and failing due to their height difference, to stamp up the stairs like a four year old throwing a tantrum.

Sam stared after him with confusion. "What the hell?" he whispered to himself.

"I think you hurt his feelings?" Claire said gently from the doorway.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Sam stood in the doorway of Gabriel's room, frowning at the angel.

"Are you just going to stare at me or did you want something?" Gabriel said harshly, his gaze locked on the ceiling above him, his chest lifting and falling quickly as he tried to calm down.

"Why do you keep doing it?"

Gabriel pushed himself up on his elbows. "Doing what?"

Sam clenched his jaw. "The whole….with me. - The comments, the flirting? - Telling everyone in town that we're a couple?"

Gabriel stared at him for a long moment, before dropping back against the bed. "Because it's too easy."

Sam glared. "What is?"

"You are? Getting beneath your skin. It's all too easy." he chuckled, but Sam didn't hear any real amusement. In fact he heard the complete opposite.

"So you're just doing it to wind me up? - It's not….because…?"

Gabriel lifted his head, and then his brow. "Yeeeessss?"

"I'm not gay!" Sam said firmly.

"As you keep telling me." Gabriel huffed. "Despite the fa…" shaking his head, he cut himself off and fell back against the pillow.

"But you are?" Sam frowned, purposefully ignoring what he knew the man had been about to throw back at him.

"I've been known to dabble. - Though in some instances I was in a female vessel at the time. So not technically."

Sam stared at him.

"Look, I said the first thing that came to mind, it seemed like a good plan at the time. I'm sorry if it makes you uncomfortable, but really Sammy, you don't have to worry, I won't be sneaking into your room at night to have my wicked way with you. - You've made yourself _perfectly_ clear."

Sam gave him a sharp nod, but strangely didn't feel any more at ease with the situation. He turned to leave.

"But just for the record Sammy, if I wasn't permanently stuck with this vessel, I'd find myself a smoking hot blond and you wouldn't be able to resist." Gabriel winked and Sam glared at him, his stomach clenching tight.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

"Sam." Claire called from the lounge window seat.

The tall hunter strolled out of the kitchen with a towel pressed between his palms. He'd been fixing the damn truck again, or attempting to fix it, he didn't have Dean's skill with engines and repairs, but he was doing his best, and it had helped keep his mind off Gabriel. Ever since their semi-argument three days earlier things in the house had been weird. They'd barely been in a room five seconds without bickering. - Okay so that wasn't weird, not for them, but there was something in the air that made it feel weird.

"What is it?"

"We've got company." Claire nodded out the window and Sam rushed to look. "Do we know them?"

Claire looked up at him and shook her head. "I don't think I've….oh wait….I think that's Mrs Hammond's daughter."

"Mrs Hammond?"

"One of the old ladies Gabe charmed while you were on that case."

The pair fell silent at the sound of knocking on the front door and Sam shared a concerned uncertain look with Claire, before heading for the door, certain he had his handgun tucked safely in the back of his jean, Claire hiding the shot gun he'd been training her to use under the throw she had on her lap. Taking a breath Sam pulled open the door.

"Howdy. You must be Sam. Wow, Gabriel wasn't wrong about you, was he?" the woman, who was maybe five or so year older than Sam, grinned. "You look….Sorry, where's my manners, I'm Annabel Darby, your partner helped my mom a few days ago."

Sam sucked in a deep breathe at the word _partner_. He'd used it so many times over his life but never had it felt so heavy a word. Sam opened his mouth to say something when there was a weird sounding squeal behind him. He knew who it was without turning, instead bracing himself for whatever the ex-trickster had in store.

"Annabel. How nice to see you again. How is your mom?" Gabriel said cheerily, coming to a stop beside Sam, his arm slipping around the hunter's waist like it was the most causal thing in the world.

"Mom's fine, thanks Gabriel. - I just wanted to come and invite you'll to our barbeque tomorrow afternoon?"

"That's very kind of…." Sam began.

"We'd loved to. We so need to get out this house for a while." Gabriel grinned brightly.

"Wonderful. Well, I'll let you get back to whatever you were doing. - We'll see you tomorrow, about one."

"Great. Can't wait, can we Sammy?"

Sam swallowed hard, forcing a smile on his face. "No. Can't wait."

They watched Annabel strolled back to her car, waving back at them until she was inside and driving away.

"What the hell do you think…?"

Gabriel huffed, pulling his arm sharply from around Sam's waist and walking off to the lounge where he dropped heavily down onto the couch and grabbed the remote to the TV, Claire moving to settle in beside him. "We're going because it would be weird not to." Gabriel stated coolly.

Sam clenched his jaw, sending the ex-archangel a bitch face before turning and marching back to the kitchen furiously. "Fine. Just keep you god-damn hands to yourself!" he spat back over his shoulder.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam lay staring up at the ceiling of his room, the sound of silence pressing down on him, his heart pounding. He'd woken up covered in sweat and panting to refill his lungs with much needed air. He was used to the nightmares, even before Dean's disappearance. - Though since his brother had vanished into thin air they'd slowly been getting worst. He was still staring into the darkness when he heard the door slowly begin to open. He expected himself to react, knew he should, but part of him just didn't care at that moment. If something was there to kill him, let it.

He did briefly worry about Claire and Gabriel, fearing for their safety, but before he could do anything he heard a soft familiar whisper of concern.

"Sammy?"

Sam swallowed, squeezing his eyes closed tight. Every time he was called Sammy it hurt, cut deeply. - But at the same time it eased the pain. Though he'd _never_ tell Gabriel that, the ex-archangel was already too friendly. - Which in itself freaked Sam out. Not because of Gabriel's behaviour, but his own reaction to it. The feeling that he couldn't or _didn't want_ to name.

When the bed dipped beside him, he almost argued. He almost yelled and punched, but his chest ached and the silence was too much. So he just let the ex-archangel position himself in the bed beside him and waited to see what happened next.

But nothing happened. Gabriel just turned onto his side, facing away from Sam and remained silent. The warmth rolled off his body and seeped into Sam's marrow, though they didn't touch. The only sound in the room was that of calming, gentle breathing that was not his own. Focusing on that, Sam allowed it to comfort him back to sleep. Thankfully a calmer, warmer, less blood soaked sleep.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Sam inhaled deeply as sleep slowly receded and the real world began to take hold. A warmth was spread across his chest and thighs, the familiar warmth of a body close by. With his mind still fogy from sleep Sam pressed closer to the heat, his arm tightening around the body in front of him. There was a soft moan and then silence. A heavy silence that felt almost suffocating. When the warm body pulled cautiously away, the bed dipping, Sam forced himself to crack an eye open. He didn't know who his sleep-addled brain was expecting to see, but it wasn't Gabriel.

His heart leapt into his throat at the sight of ex-archangel slowly walking away from him, heading for the bedroom door. Sam opened his mouth to demand to know what the hell was going on, only to suddenly remember the night before, the horrific dream and the way Gabriel had snuck into his room to, what Sam could only imagine, was offer comfort.

Sam waited, expecting Gabriel to say something, make some ill-timed joke on his way out of the room, but instead the man simply pulled the door gently closed behind him, leaving Sam staring after him, bemused.

As the bedroom door clicked closed Sam rolled onto his back, staring up at the ceiling, his heart pounding in his chest. He hadn't slept so soundly in years, and that terrified him. Not even Dean's presents had allowed him to fully give himself over to rest. Yet here with Gabriel he'd found himself waking feeling like the past eight years of his life hadn't happened. Like the whole thing had been a dream.

Sam pinched the bridge of his nose and squeezed his eyes closed trying to block it all out, before rolling once more onto his side, facing the window that was filled with morning light. Wanting to hide from everything in the abyss of sleep Sam flipped himself away from the daylight and pressed his face into the pillow, only to be overwhelmed by the scent of Gabriel. Growling angrily to himself, he tugged the pillow from beneath his head and threw it across the room, turning his face into the mattress. But the scent lingered and with it the uneasy feeling in Sam's gut.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

It was another two hours before Sam could bring himself to leave his bed. He slowly took the stairs, his heart pounding the closer he got to the living room. He could already hear Gabriel and Claire chatting and laughing casually. Inhaling deeply he stepped off the bottom step and walked through the room on his way to the kitchen, trying to act nonchalant and not draw either of their attention.

"About time you got your ass out of bed." Gabriel laughed from the couch.

Sam paused, closing his eyes and waiting for the inevitable.

"We've got a barbeque in an hour. - Don't you think you should shower and shave." Gabriel said indifferently.

Sam turned to look at the man only to find his attention back on Claire, frowning at the lack of back-handed remarks, of teasing and eyebrow action. It was as if Gabriel didn't remember what had happened the previous night or that morning. Which he knew wasn't true. Gabriel just wasn't…..using it, and _that_ made Sam more uncomfortable.

He turned back to head to the kitchen, pouring himself a cup of strong coffee. He took his time drinking it and when the mug was empty he poured himself another. With a fresh cup in hand he inhaled a fortifying breath and headed out of the small tidy kitchen towards the stairs. He spared a glance at the couch and found Gabriel still focused solely on Claire and whatever she was reading.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

"Gabriel!" Annabelle called the moment they stepped out of the rusted pick-up truck.

Sam slammed the door and glared over at the ex-archangel as he waved enthusiastically at the approaching woman. Claire at his side, a bright smile spread across her face. Inhaling slowly Sam braced himself for an hour or two of awkward conversations and tension.

"Sorry we're a little late, Sammy just wouldn't stop fussing with his hair." Gabriel grinned, handing over the pie he'd baked that morning. - It was actually the third. The previous two having burnt to a crisp.

Annabelle shot a glance at Sam. An odd expression on her face like she was figuring something out, and Sam didn't like to think about what that might be. "It's fine. I understand completely. - Come meet everyone. Claire, Jinny's in the house with the others if you want to go inside. I don't know what they're doing." she smiled at Gabriel as Claire paused to look between Sam and the ex-archangel before rushing off to join the 'others'. "And honestly, remembering what it was like being a sixteen years old, I don't want too." she laughed, tugging on Gabriel's sleeve, the man laughing just as enthusiastically.

Sam tightened his jaw and followed reluctantly behind the pair. His memories of being sixteen weren't anything like what he imagined Annabelle's to be. His had been filled with horrors beyond imagination. He glanced towards the house. He didn't want Claire to live his life and he was pretty damn sure that her parents wouldn't want that either.

"Everyone." Annabelle's voice pulled him from his thoughts. "This is Gabriel and Sam Winchester." she introduced, waving an arm at them. "And that is their daughter Claire." she pointed as the girls appeared for a few moments.

"Hi-diddli-ho neighbours." Gabriel chuckled, giving a random wave. "I'm not actually his husband…yet." He grinned, winking up at Sam.

Sam forced an awkward smile, shifting his body uncomfortably. He stiffened completely when Gabriel wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him close, grinning almost manically at the group, exchanging hello's so naturally no one would ever believe that Gabriel wasn't human.

*_*/\\*_*

The next four hours were the most awkward of his life, yet strangely enjoyable. Annabelle's husband was a decent enough guy, along with a couple of his buddies, Sam had to admit he was surprised by their warm reception. He hadn't expected to be welcomed so easily with everyone thinking he was gay and not only in a relationship with another man, but raising a teenage daughter to boot.

He was pretty ashamed of himself in all honesty, he'd judged them before meeting them. Just because certain parts of the US, namely the Bible belt had a reputation for being bigoted, didn't mean every small town was like that. The twenty-first century had reached a large proportion of the country after all, and it wasn't like he hadn't met his fair share of people over the last few years that had assumed - _Very_ wrongly. - that he and Dean were something other than brothers. It seemed to be a common misconception that had never really bothered him, not like it did Dean. So he wasn't overly sure why he'd flipped his shit over Gabriel telling the town that they were together. It wasn't like he hadn't just blurted something out when put on the spot, and had been the sensible thing to do.

Sam excused himself to visit the bathroom, after having a twenty minute conversation with Harvey, Annabelle's husband, about big game hunting. Passing Claire in the den, he paused to watch her for a few moments as she talked in hushed voices with a couple of other girls, seemingly normally. They all looked up at his appearance and smiled awkwardly. He nodded back at them and turned, carrying on to the bathroom. He didn't fail to hear the wave of giggles ringing behind him.

After dealing with his bladder Sam washed his hands, then paused to stare at himself in the mirror. He suddenly wondered if maybe Gabriel had had a point when he'd made the call to lie about them being a modern family. Would he have been so against the lie if Gabriel hadn't been….well, Gabriel? Was Gabriel right, was he being…a superficial jerk? - Would he have been so obstinate if Gabriel had looked more like Brad Pitt or Huge Jackman?

Staring at his reflection he tried to answer that question but couldn't. How was he meant to? All he knew was that Gabriel got beneath his skin, and he wasn't even sure whether it was in a good or bad way. _Bad_. _Most definitely bad_. That night in the motel proved that. When he was left alone, without his big brother to watch out for him, to keep him on track, he made back choices. The thousand Tuesday, Ruby and that year with Samuel taught him that.

And whatever it was that he was feeling towards Gabriel, it was just because he was lost at sea with no anchor. He didn't have Bobby or Dean to keep him in line. That's all it was. Loneliness and bad judgement.

Splashing cold water on his face, Sam vowed to himself that he was going to just ignore it. All of it. Gabriel's jibs and lies, as well as whatever it was running around in his head and making him do stupid things like kissing the son of a bitch. He straightened, wiped his hands and face, took a deep breath, then made his way back out to the barbeque.

Standing in the French doors he watched as Gabriel laughed, joked and flirted with the leggy brunette who'd been eyeing him almost from the moment she'd arrived three hours ago. Annabelle's cousin, Rita. As Sam watched, the woman leant further into Gabriel, her hand sweeping over his arm as she leant forward and whispered something into the man's ear.

Sam wasn't even aware he was clenching his jaw until a sharp pain shot through it. Before he even realized it he was calling for Claire and making his way over to Annabelle.

"Sammy?" Gabriel frowned.

"Thank you for having us, Annabelle. Really it's been a wonderful afternoon, but I'm afraid we should be going." Sam shook the woman's hand before shaking that of her husband. "Claire, come on, we're leaving now!" he could feel Gabriel's eyes burning into him as he headed for the truck.

"Sorry. I….hopefully we can do this again, maybe over at our place. - Harvey. Rita." Gabriel nodded. Kissing Annabelle's cheek, he stormed off to catch up with Sam.

Sam already had the engine running when Claire and Gabriel climbed into the large front seat. The moment the doors closed, he reversed out of the large country drive and headed in the direction of the house.

"Okay, Sammy, what the hell? I was having a good time."

"I could tell." Sam snapped through gritted teeth, his attention focused on the road ahead of him.

"What's that meant to mean?" Gabriel demanded sharply.

"It means you and Rita were getting along perfectly." He grunted, fingers tight around the wheel.

"What, you jealous?" Gabriel chuckled.

Sam's head snapped around to glare at the shorter man. " _No_. But we can't afford anyone sniffing around, and considering this whole 'relationship' thing was your idea, it would probably be better if you didn't try to seduce every girl in town."

"What can I say?" Gabriel sneered, glaring across at the hunter. "If I'm not getting any at home, I have to look elsewhere."

Sam's face tightened with fury, his knuckles whitening on the steering wheel. "Just keep it in your damn pants!" he said in a dangerous whisper. "We don't need the attention."

"Maybe I do."

"Then you stay here, and we'll move somewhere else."

"If you think I'm letting you fuck off to god knows where with Claire, you've got another thing coming Pal!" Gabriel yelled.

"Then do what I say."

The truck swerved onto the dirt lane that lead to the house. The moment the vehicle stopped Gabriel threw open the door and jumped out, storming up to the house, slamming inside. Sam tried to breathe slowly, closing his eyes and resting his forehead on the wheel, until he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder. Groaning he straightened and turned to meet Claire concerned, and almost pained gaze.

"Shit." Sam growled before remember he wasn't alone. "Sorry, Claire." he sighed pitifully. "I…." he shook his head, unable to explain what was currently going through his head.

Claire returned his sigh as she shuffled towards the door and climbed out, leaving Sam alone to stare after the pair and ask himself over and over why he'd been so angry.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Sam was both surprised and resigned when he heard his bedroom door open. He didn't remember having another dream, in fact he couldn't even remember falling asleep. He'd spent the last few hours, he was sure, staring up at his ceiling. He wasn't really thinking about anything, at least nothing he could actually pin down. His mind was pretty much a buzz with thoughts and confusion.

After they'd returned from the barbeque, Gabriel had barely said to words two him. - Okay, they'd been practically giving each other the silent treatment for days, if he were honest, but this time was different. It felt different. Harsher. Colder. Gabriel had taken up residence in the kitchen, leaving him to watch TV alone. Clare had sort respite from the tension in her room for most of the day, only venturing down to grab a drink or something to eat. He couldn't even say what they were arguing about. Yeah he'd harshly pulled Gabriel up on his behaviour with the young woman at the party but he was just pointing out the mess Gabriel could easily get them all into. That was all it was.

His breath caught in his throat as he heard the distant sound of the door closing, and then footstep making their way towards the bed. He closed his eyes before he saw Gabriel, released the breath and slowly rolled over onto his side, facing the wall. The bed dipped a moment later and he felt the covers being tugged off him a little. Strangely he didn't fight Gabriel's attempt to steal more of the blanket, or demand to know what the man was doing in his room. - Again.

Instead Sam simply relaxed his body, savouring the extra warmth the man's body brought to the bed and let sleep drag him under, the sound of Gabriel gentle breathing paving its way.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Sam tightened his arm around the warmth that lay pressed to his chest. His face turned into the soft skin, the sweet scent of honey filling his nose. He wasn't fully awake yet, clinging onto the edges of a dream he couldn't quiet keep in focus. Despite that he knew he was aroused and that there was a warm body fitted snugly against his.

His hips rolled forward, rubbing up against the firm buttocks of his bed mate, his mouth worked the warm skin of their shoulder. Slowly the inviting rear moved back to meet him, increasing the hardness of Sam's dick and making him thrust frantically.

A deep moan rumbled beneath Sam's arm and he instinctively tightened his hold. He felt the turn of his bed partners head, seeking out the contact of his mouth and he instantly turned to meet it. Their lips slid naturally against one another, the kiss intense and deep. So swallowed up by it Sam paid little attention to the strap of stubble, rough against his chin. He was just so lost in the ocean of sensation. Fingers combed possessively through Sam's hair, tugging lightly. Sam moaned, his hips rocking more insistently forward, grinding hard against the backside of his bed partner, filling the room with a rough hoarse moan that wasn't his.

Caught in the riptide of lust, Sam's hand began its decent down the warm body in front of him. Beneath his palm soft, well-worn fabric began to ride up exposing more hot flesh to Sam's touch. Hair tickled his palm, but he didn't pay it any attention. Strange fingers wrapped smoothly around his wrist, guiding it south, till his heated hand found rock hard muscle.

It took a few seconds for it to seep into Sam's mind what he was touching, and in that time he groped and stroked at it, inhaling deeply as its owner pressed back against his own painfully hard dick. Then it was there, jolted to first position by a rough desperate groan.

Then he remembered. Where he was, who he was with, and he reacted. Leaping backwards off the bed, flushed, breathless and angry. The force of his movement causing Gabriel to hit the floor. Sam stood on the other side of the iron bedstead, his hands shaking, sweat licking at his spine and his pants tenting humiliatingly. His eyes burned as Gabriel staggered to his feet and stared at him with fury mirrored in every inch of his features.

"What the fuck!" Gabriel yelled.

"I was about to ask you the same!"

Gabriel stared at him, mouth slightly gaping as if he didn't quite understand what the man was talking about.

"What are you doing in my bed?" Sam snapped, feigning ignorance.

"Don't stand there and act like you didn't know, dickhead."

Sam's jaw tightened. He wanted to argue. Wanted to continue lying about the whole thing.

"And don't act like the innocent party here, you were the one sucking on my neck like a damn vampire, and whose dick was trying to crawl up my ass!"

"I was dreaming! - About Jessica." Sam hated the way that lie rolled off his tongue. He hated using the name of his dead girlfriend as a smoke screen. - He hated that it was a lie.

Gabriel's eyes bored into him, and that spark of vengeful angel lit up. "Right." he murmured dangerously.

Sam waited for him to argue some more, to call him on the lie, but Gabriel did neither, he just turned his back and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" Sam demanded before thinking.

Gabriel paused at the door, his hand on the handle. "I'm leaving obviously. Don't worry Sam, I won't be invading your personal space again." he said far too quietly as he pulled the door open and stepped through.

Sam lingers only a few seconds before rushing towards the door. In the hall he saw Claire, blurry eyed, in the doorway of her room. Gabriel's grey t-shirt vanishing down the stairs.

"What's wrong?" Claire asked sleepily. "What happened?"

Sam wasn't sure what got to him more, the fact that they'd woken Claire, or that she didn't seem all that surprised or disturbed by Gabriel's presents in his room. "Nothing. Go back to bed." he murmured, walking past her to go after Gabriel. Though he had no idea why he was bothering.

"Sam?" she said, her voiced filled with renewed concern.

Sam paused at the stairs and looked back at her. "It's fine. I promise. Just go back to bed." it was still too early.

Claire nodded once before vanishing back into her room and closing the door. As soon as he heard the click of the latch, he was down the stairs. Looking around he found no sign of the ex-archangel and turned towards the kitchen. - But that was empty too. Clearly he'd left the house and Sam felt a spark of guilt, regret and concern, which only added to the anger he was feeling. He dropped down onto one of the kitchen chairs and let his head fall into his hands unsure who he was actually angry at.

No, that wasn't true. He was angry at himself. He couldn't really blame Gabriel, after all the man was right, he'd started it. Which was the problem. He should have told Gabriel to get out of his room that first night. He sound have yelled then and told the man where the line was. - Hell, he should have kicked him to the curb after what happened in that motel room. But he hadn't, because he was alone again and hurting, and confused. And he made bad choices when he was like that. That was how he'd ended up with Ruby wasn't it? Because he'd lost Dean and she'd offered him comfort and support, and the chance at revenge.

Yeah, if anyone was to blame for this, it was him. - And maybe Dean, for dragging him back into this life. Though he knew now that he would have always ended up on this path. It was God's plan after all. Right?

Sam scrubbed at his face, lifting his head and glancing at the clock on the wall. 6:23 am. He needed to clear his head. He needed to get away from Gabriel before he found himself deeper in another disastrous mess. Pushing himself out of the chair he headed back to his room and snatched his cell off the nightstand, scrolling through his contact list.

When Garth's voice echoed down the line he felt the weight lift. "Hey man. You go anything?" he asked the second Garth paused.


	6. Chapter 6

When Gabriel stumbled back into the house at 8am, Sam's bag was the first thing that caught his eye, the hunter standing over it was the second. "So that's it, you're just going to skip out on us! Should have known really." he shook his head. "You always run away when you don't like your life, don't you Sammy." he spat, his nose wrinkling with his disgust.

"You're hardly one to talk Gabriel." Sam replied harshly, lifting the bag off the floor and throwing it over his shoulder.

Gabriel glared, eyes narrowed. "If you're going, _go_. We don't need you, anyway!" he spat.

Sam smirked. "Right." he scoffed.

"Listen dick-brain, I'm able to take care of myself _and_ Claire. I'm a fucking _archangel_!"

"You _were_ a fucking archangel." Sam shot back furiously. " _Now_ you just fucking human."

Gabriel curled his fingers into a tight fist, his knuckles instantly whitening as his face grew red. "Blow me, Winchester! - Oh, no sorry, I forgot, you don't do dudes." he snarled. "Nah, demons you'll fuck, but a guy, god forbid. Even when curling up next to one in bed gets you hard!"

Sam growled and stepped closer, the fury glowing brightly in his eyes, he opened his mouth to speak but the words were dead before they even formed as another voice filled the silence.

"I found the ke…." Claire said running in from the kitchen, and skidding to a halt at the sight of Gabriel and Sam glaring at each other dangerously. "Huh….is everything….?"

"It's fine." Sam said through gritted teeth. He turned to take the keys from Claire with a tight forced smile. "Thanks."

"How long will you be gone?" Claire asked uncomfortable in the sudden, suffocating tension of the room.

"I'm not sure, a few days. I'll call." he said, never looking at the ex-archangel. "You be good and go to school." he said, tugging her into a quick hug. "If there's an emergency and you can't get hold of me, call Garth."

"Okay. You be careful." she pressed a kiss to his cheek, before looking between the two men and deciding to make a hasty retreat. She turned sharply and vanished back into the kitchen and out the back door.

Slowly Sam turned back to stare at Gabriel, who was still glaring at him. He didn't say anything else, choosing instead to shoulder past the shorter man and out the front door. Gabriel remained fixed to his place, staring at the stairs, his heart pounding. He fought every urge to turn and follow Sam out of the house, every urge to tell him to stay save, to call every chance he got. - To pull him into the same heated promising kiss they'd shared a few hours ago before everything went to shit. But he didn't. He just stood in the entrance hall and listened to the familiar rumble of the Impala as it drove away, his anger fading with it.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

The moment Sam hit the highway he could breathe again. Finally. It felt like forever since he'd been on the road, heading off on a case. He turned to his right and sighed at the empty seat beside him, that overwhelming feeling of loss hitting once more. He suddenly realised he hadn't felt that in weeks. - Not as long as he was home.

Home? It was weird thinking of that out of the way wreck of a house as home, but that was what it had become. Home had always been wherever you were at the time, it was never a single place for him. Not until Stanford. Then he'd lost that and it was back to motels and the backseat of the Impala. The closest thing he'd had since then had been Bobby's place, but now that was gone too. It seemed that every time he found somewhere to settle, somewhere to escape the madness of his life, he lost it just as quickly. - Now he was close to doing that again.

It wasn't just the house though, it was the family he'd bizarrely build along with it. He didn't want to think of Gabriel as family, he really didn't, but that was what he was, because he was all Sam had. Gabriel and Claire. It was another of the things his unusual life had taught him. You're not born into a family, you build your own. It had started when he was young with Pastor Jim and Bobby. Then had come Jessica. Ellen and Jo. Rufus - who was more like the crazy uncle who showed up every now and again. - and finally Cas. Dean and his father had been his only blood family.

Sure there had been the Campbell's for a while, but he'd never really felt they were family. Of course he hadn't felt anything at that point, so….

The thing was it all sounded so simple, probably looked simple to, but it wasn't. Not with everything that was happening between him and Gabriel. It was confusing and a disaster waiting to happen, because he wasn't gay and he'd learnt his lesson after Ruby. He made bad choices when left alone. Bad choice that could oh so easily destroy the world. He'd done the same thing after Dean had died the first time, he'd allowed himself to fall into a circle of sex and violence to ease the pain.

The car swerved in the lane as a pain shot through Sam's chest. Dean wasn't dead. He told himself firmly. He just wanted….around. He and Cas were still alive. He had to believe that, because he couldn't survive losing his brother again. Because if Dean really were dead, he might do the one thing he was fighting not to do. He might actually give in and damn the consequences.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

"Gabriel? You okay?" Claire asked cautiously, stepping into the house.

Gabriel lay stretched out on the couch, arm draped dramatically over his eyes. The only reply he offered was a grunt, before flipping over to bury his face into back of the sofa.

She wasn't an idiot, young maybe but not an idiot, - and he's seen her parent's fights enough to know the aftermath of a doozy when she saw it. She'd seen it come, it had been building for weeks, before Sam headed off on that first case. She'd hoped that them having a little breathing room would have eased the tension, but it only managed to heighten it. And it wasn't just any kind of tension, at seventeen, Claire knew exactly what sexual tension was, she's felt it buzzing through the halls of her high school back in Pontic. But this was worse, because this was in her home, and it was suffocating them all.

She knew the problem wasn't Gabriel. You'd have to be blind not to see how much he was into Sam. It was obvious to her from the moment she'd see him tending the hunters' wounds. Hell, he'd almost died to save him. No, it was all on Sam.

Claire got it, kinda. He was still dealing with losing his brother and was confused over what he was feeling for the ex-archangel. She remembered that feeling, slightly. The uncertainty. She remembered the feeling of fear, from her time as Castiel's vessel. The confusion and love that went through her when she'd looked at Dean Winchester. She hadn't understood any of it at the time, it had been overwhelming, painful, but over the past couple of years, as she'd grown up, began to understand 'adult' emotions, he got it. She imagined it was what Sam was feeling now. He was attracted to Gabriel but couldn't understand why.

The problem was, his confusion was making _all_ their lives a living hell, especially Gabriel's, and Claire feared where it would lead. The two men were all she had now, she couldn't face losing either of them. All she could do was pray that they sorted it out, before it destroyed the only family they all had left.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Sam threw himself into the case Garth had sent him on, grateful to take out his frustration and anger on the nest of vamps. He didn't allow himself to think about Gabriel, or what had happened between them before he'd hit the road. It took him less than a day to clear out the nest. Standing beside the Impala he frowned down at his feet, he should really head back, but if he was honest he couldn't quite face it just yet. He needed more time, just a few days to think of how to deal with things. - How to make it clear to Gabriel that nothing was ever happening between them.

Shooting off a text to Claire, saying he'd gotten another job, he climbed back behind the wheel and headed towards the nearest town. Kermit. What kind of name was that for a town? He wondered. Dean would have a field day with that one. Sam shook his head, thinking of all the ridiculous Muppet joke his brother would have come up with. He'd been so distracted by the thoughts that he didn't see the dog until it was too late. The creature screaming out as the Impala's front bumper smashed into it.

Wincing guiltily, Sam leapt out of the car and rushed around to the front where the large blood stained Collie, whining in pain, lay on the cold wet tarmac. Dropping to his knees, Sam gently slipped his hands beneath it. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Don't die, okay. Don't die. I'll get help." he mumbled as he eased the whimpering creature of the floor and moved to slide it into the backseat, before jumping back behind the wheel and taking off. "Okay, here we go. Just relax buddy. You'll be fine." he insisted as the Impala speed away from the accident.

It took him the whole of twenty minutes to finally hunt down a vet. Dragging the dog out of the car, he practically ran into the office, the dog drooping from his arms.

"Help! Help. I need help. The dog needs help." Sam panted as he rushed into the veterinary clinic, sighing with relief when the nurse/receptionist came rushing out.

"That way." the nurse ordered, rushing to lead Sam into the back of the clinic.

"Please. He just came out of nowhere in front of my car. He needs a doctor. Are you a doctor?"

"Doctor's coming sir. I'm not sure….."

"You're not sure what? This is an animal hospital. You save animals. Save this animal!" Sam snapped furiously, breathless and agitated.

Suddenly a dark haired woman strolled in. "Roberta, can you escort this man out. Please."

"Yes." the nurse said.

Sam allowed himself to be led away from the injured animal, pausing to look at the doctor. "I did this."

After he'd deposited the dog on the examination table he padded back into the waiting area. He had every intention of leaving but found himself taking a seat to wait, just to make sure the animal was alright. Some forty minutes later the vet reappeared a reassuring smile on her face, and Sam felt himself relax.

"He sustained some serious internal bleeding, there's at least two leg fractures I can see right now, but with some TLC he should pull through for you."

"Thanks Doctor." Sam sighed, leaping to his feet before turning to head for the door.

"You're gonna take the dog?"

Sam looked back at the woman, his gaze flickering between her and the nurse. "Huh…I would. He's not mine." he shook his head.

"He's not anyone's."

Sam looked at her intently. "I…I can't take him. I…" he shook his head. "….travel."

The woman raised a brow and glared, making Sam fidget uncertainly, as if she knew he was lying. "Don't you think you're responsible?"

"Why do you think I brought him here?" Sam frowned.

"Roberta, could you hand this man his trophy on his way out please?"

Sam glared at the doctor and nurse.

"Or maybe if you were such an upstanding guy, you wouldn't have hit him in the first place."

Sam flinched at her words, guilt and anger battling in him. It had been an accident, how the hell was it his fault? But wasn't it always his fault? If he'd been paying more attention, if he'd been looking instead of getting lost in his own head maybe he would have seen the dog before he hit it. "Fine. I'll take him." Sighing, and surrendering to her silent judgement. "…when?"

The vet grinned. "That's my hero." she remarked sarcastically. "I want to keep him for a few days. Is that alright?" she replied distantly.

"Fine." he marched over to the reception desk and snatched up a pen, scribbling down his number. "Call me when he's ready." then he marched out of the clinic.

Heading back to the car, he inhaled slowly. Well, maybe it wasn't all that bad an idea taking the dog in. After all, he might come in useful back at the house, animals were sensitive to demonic signs and no doubt Claire would like a pet. Starting the engine Sam turned in the direction of the nearest motel.

Once he'd gotten a room he headed for the bar on the corner. He'd been there almost three hours and drunk more than Dean did in a day, mostly because the first couple had caused him to start thinking, and he hoped the rest would help him stop. Thinking right now was bad. Thinking would have him doing something incredible stupid.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

This was incredible stupid, part of Sam's mind yelled. That same part that was scolding him over his treatment of Gabriel, so of course he didn't listen. He simply closed his eyes and lost himself in the feeling of being buried deep inside a willing, warm, _female_ body. It was what they did wasn't? Him and Dean. They hunted, they ate, and they fucked. It was the life. So why was there a lead weight in his gut each time he trust deep, groaning breathlessly against damp skin? He'd blocked out the moans of his partner at least ten minutes ago, finding them distracting. Though the way her not too long nails cut down his back felt wonderful. It kept his mind from wondering too far.

He was so close, the white lights were already beginning to flicker behind his eye lids. Then his phone began to ring, the tune telling him it was home. He froze, his head turning sharply to stare at the night stand where it vibrated and glowed in the dark of the room. Sweet Home Alabama screaming from the small speaker. Gabriel had set it, a joke apparently. Even though they weren't in Alabama. _"Yeah well, they don't have a song called Sweet Home Indiana!"_ he'd scoffed.

"Are you going to answer that?" Amelia panted beneath him.

He looked down at the woman he'd brought home from the bar. The woman he'd met two hours before that when he'd rushed into her clinic with a broken and bloody dog. She was watching him intently. "I…." he rolled away from her, reaching for the cell as he positioned himself on the edge of the bed. At almost two in the morning, it had be an emergency and his stomach tightened with fear. "What's wrong?"

" _Gabriel broke his leg."_

"What! How?" Sam sat up straight.

" _Ice skating apparently. - With Rita."_

Sam's fingers tightened around the phone. "Where are you?" he demanded angrily.

" _With Annabella."_ Claire replied nervously.

Sam looked at the clock on the nightstand. "Are you okay there?" he meant safe, Claire knew he meant safe.

" _Yeah. I'm fine. I just….I thought you should know."_

"I can't get back, not for a few days."

" _I know."_ Claire sighed miserably.

Sam felt the bed shift behind him, heard the movement and rustle of clothing, but didn't turn to look. Didn't try to stop her. He saw her moving out of the corner of her eyes.

"You should get some sleep, I'll call you in the morning." he said gentle down the line.

" _Okay. Night Sam."_

"Night Kiddo." Sam hangs up and stares at his phone.

"You're married." Amelia snapped angrily.

Sam didn't know why he didn't instantly deny it.

"God." she grunted, marching towards the door. "Don't forget to collect the dog before you leave."

Sam heard the door open, then close, and inhaled deeply, rubbing at his eyes. His head was pounding behind them, he felt tired. Tired and angry. He flipped open his phone before he was even really aware of it, scrolling down to Gabriel's number.

It went straight to voicemail, whether because the ex-angel was still in the hospital or was asleep, or was just plain avoiding Sam's calls, it didn't really matter one way or the other, he was going to say what he had to say.

"W-what the fucking hell is _wrong_ with you? You don't leave Claire alone, _ever_. Especially not so you can go fuck some bitch you met yesterday!" he knows he being a hypocrite and overreacting, but he's tired, and still a little drunk, and angry. "If this is your fucking way of getting back at me, or making me jealous, tough fucking luck, it didn't work. I don't give a shit who you go out with just don't leave our da…." he stops himself before he actually finishes the word, because Claire _wasn't_ their daughter, everyone just thought she was. It's just another lie. Like the fact that they were a couple. "…. _Claire_ alone. If anything happens to her Gabriel, I'll fucking kill you! You get me!" he wanted to say more. A lot more. But the voicemail beeps sounded in his ear, letting him know he'd run out of time, and he slammed the phone down on the nightstand furiously.

Falling back against the pillows, he stared up at the ceiling, his jaw painfully tight and his heart thundering against his ribs. His stomach rolled as sobriety clawed its way back into existence.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Sam woke up to the sound of banging, but he was mostly sure it was in his head. With a groan he rolled out of the bed and stumbled towards the bathroom, his stomach making its disapproval felt. He was on his knees, head over the edge of the bowl in moments, empty the nothingness that filled it; mostly beer, not much food. He hadn't eaten yesterday, which was why he'd been so drunk. He wasn't Dean, he couldn't drink that much and not pay for it.

Twenty minutes later he stumbled warily out of the bathroom and collapsed back onto the bed. He probably should hit the road, but as he was on his own and couldn't share the driving, he'd have to wait until his head was back in the game. Maybe stay another night. His eyes fluttered closed once more only to be forced open by the incessant ringing of his cell. Blindly he reached for it, hitting the answer button without even glancing at the ID.

"Hello?" he groaned.

" _Listen dick-weed, I have every right to fucking go out and get laid. It's none of your damn business! And Claire was perfectly alright asshole. We've been to Annabella, you've sniffed around her house, if there was a threat you would have said something, you didn't, so we're cool! So yeah, I went on a date, I'm single and Rita was interested which is more than I can say for some people. But hey, thanks for the shit pile of a message you left. I'm fine by the way! Asshole!"_ the phone went dead a second later.

Sam stared up at the ceiling, his head screaming. It took too long for the memory of Claire's phone call to refresh itself in his head, even longer to his own call to make a reappearance. _Shit_. Had he really? Fuck! And Amelia had accused him of being married. Well it was beginning to feel like that. He hit the call back for Gabriel, only the guy wasn't answering and Sam wasn't leaving another message. It was suddenly a very good idea to stay another night, if only to let Gabriel calm down. - And allow himself time to think, without alcohol.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Sam woke again a couple of hours later, his head still throbbing. Inhaling slowly though his nose, he rubbed his eyes before reaching for the TV remote. Putting the shit with Gabriel behind him he relaxed on the bed, his legs stretched out in front of him. He hadn't bothered getting dressed after Amelia had skipped out on him, so he lay beneath the covers still naked, his thumb locked in place on the remote.

He surfed through three soap, two chat shows and five police procedurals before he stopped. Once upon a time he would have been nervous watching porn in a motel room, never sure if Dean was going to walk in, but he was alone, and more than a little frustrated after the disaster of the previous night, so he dropped the remote, settled back and allowed himself to indulge. It was the end credits on one movie, but another would begin soon.

When the new film started something clawed at Sam mind. The opening scene was familiar and haunting, he didn't really pay much attention to it, figuring that he'd probably seen it before. He just wanted to relax. Then it hit, the realization that yes he had seen this before, but not in the normal circumstances.

On screen someone was knocking on the door. Sam shot forward, his eyes intent on the scene in front of him, his heart pound out of control. He held his breath as the door opened to reveal the Hungarian waiter. - Who turned out not to be Gabriel. Sam wasn't sure if he was relieved or disappointed.

No, he's sure he's relieved. It was most definitely relief he was feeling. He settled back against the pillow pushed the previous viewing out of his head and tried to relax again. He closed his eyes for a long moment when he realised that he was watching the waiter rather than the actress, inhaling deeply through his nose. Behind his closed eye-lids though, he found himself seeing Gabriel, wide smirk, amber eyes, thick black moustache ripped free of his face. Then the show really started. Sam tried to push the thoughts away but they were as stubborn as he was, clinging on with bloody fingers.

Gabriel swaggering towards the actress, intent in those amber eyes, his finger tugging at the buttons of his custom. He was go close as the shirt fell of his slim frame and Sam realized that this wasn't a third person fantasy. It wasn't the blonde actress the ex-archangel was smirking at, but him. - And he was like it.

Sam groaned. Tried to open his eyes but he was too overwhelmed. He felt his body slipping down the bed, the sounds of the TV echoing in the background. He fought the urge to touch himself as long as he could, because this was insane, he didn't do this. Didn't fantasize about other men. It wasn't his thing. But as Gabriel straddled his hips, his hands roaming down Sam's body. - And it felt so real, but that might be because he was currently running his own hand down over his abs. - he gave in, moaning behind tightly pressed lips as his fingers finally wrapped themselves tight and sure around his length.

He came to the sound of deep moans in the background and the image of Gabriel riding him fast and hard. Sam collapsed on the bed, spent and breathless, confused and furious. He had no idea what the hell was going on in his head, but he didn't like it. Throwing his legs off the bed angrily, Sam marching into the bathroom to clean up. When he returned ten minutes later he violently shut off the TV and began packing up his things, shoving his shirts and shaving things into the duffle like they'd been personally responsible for his inappropriate fantasy.

When he had everything together he threw the bag over his shoulder, grabbed the key to return to the main desk and then split. He was almost out of town when he remembered the dog, and for a moment he actually considered abandoning the thing, but he swung the Impala sharply back around and heading for the clinic.

 

(**)-(**)

 

To say it was an awkward reunion with the good doctor would be an understatement. She passed him off to her nurse to fill out paperwork and that was the last he saw of her until she brought out the dog, bandaged, weak and wearing a cone-collar.

"Take care of him. Here's his pills, one with a meal four times a day. He'll need to see the vet to have his wounds checked and the stretches removed in about six weeks. You think you can remember that?"

Sam inhaled slowly through his nose and nodded.

"Good." she nodded sharply, turning to leave.

"I'm sorry. - About last night." he called after.

The woman paused in her tracks, turning back to glare at him before vanishing for good. Rubbing at his eyes Sam glanced over at the nurse, who was shooting him disapproving looks.

"Thank you." he nodded. "Come on Boy." he whispered, carrying the dog out of the building.

As he settled the creature on the backseat he sent an apology up to his brother, wherever he may be. Dean would kill him for having a dog in the car. But if he had a problem with that, then he'd just have to come back and deal with it. Sam paused before closing the backdoor, waiting. As if expecting Dean to appear in a second to rip him a new one. - Or maybe hoping he would. When no one appeared, Sam slammed the door shut with a world wary sigh and climbed into the front seat. He looked out of the windscreen at the road ahead. Part of him just wanted to hit the road, find another case and stay as far away from Indiana as possible. But he couldn't, he knew that. Gabriel and Claire depended on him and he'd done enough running away from his problems to last a life time. They always caught up with him eventually, and they were always a thousand times worse when they did. So home it was.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE: 17/11/16 - So because there are so many chapters still to come, I'm going to split this fic into two halves. This is the end of the first half. 
> 
> I think I should put a [TRIGGER WARNING] in this chapter just to be safe. It does contain a scene that may bring up issues of domestic violence. It's just a small scene and it's not meant to be seen that way, but I'm aware that some people could be sensitive to even the smallest hint. If that is the case, I apologise.

Gabriel wasn't sure how long he'd been asleep, he basically passed out the moment Harvey had dumped him on the couch. It was the meds, he knew that. It took him a few minutes to gather the energy to open his eyes, groaning at the way his chest felt like there was a sixty ton weight on it. But what did he expect from bruised ribs? Humans were so fragile, and now he was one of them. He had to add inconsiderable pain to his long list of why being human sucked.

Taking a deep breath, well as deep as he could with his chest feeling like his brother hadn't just stabbed him, but ripped it apart. Seriously, having a sword thrust through your chest hadn't felt this bad. - He opened his eyes and stared at the furry nose pressed up under his chin. Well that explained the lack of oxygen. Staring at the peaceful dog, Gabriel's senses slowly came back online, and his nose wrinkled at the mutt's smell, before it was overpowered by the odour of cooking food and the distant hum of voices coming from the kitchen.

His heart tightened as one of the voices rung through his mind. He had to admit he'd missed the son of a bitch, the house having felt empty since he'd split. That was probably why he'd gone out with Rita, he'd needed a distraction from the lead weight he'd been carrying in his gut since Sam had taken off.

Once upon a time, getting the brush off wouldn't have bothered him in the slightest, but then he was usually the one doing the rejecting, and frankly his past….relationships, if they can be called that at all, came down to maybe a couple of names. He was no Don Juan. If he was brutally honest with himself, he was probably more like the high school geek who cared more about his comic book collection than getting into some girl or guy's pants. When he had wanted to blow off a little steam, he'd either pay a visit to Kali or he'd summon up an illusion. So maybe kissing Sam had hit a long forgotten raw nerve.

Because despite what he'd led Sam to believe about his time in purgatory, he'd spent most of the time cowering alone in a cave just waiting to be found and killed. Then he'd found himself back on this mortal coil, powerless. So it probably wasn't all that surprising he'd been craving physical contract. And Sam? Well he was convenient, that was all. But a brush off was a brush off, no matter who it was from and it stung.

Glancing down at the long face Gabriel smiled and brushed his fingers through the thick fur idly, humming softly when the creature whined. How the hell he'd even managed to get on top of him, Gabriel couldn't guess, considering the bandages but he was a dead weight on his already too bruised ribs. He'd did like dogs, loved them invade, more than people at times. He's conjured one up many times over the years, when he got too lonely. "Hey Buddy." he whispered. "Sorry." then turned his head towards the kitchen. "Someone want to come get this giant ball of fur off me!" he yelled. "No offence." he quickly added when the dog lifted his eyes sadly to stare at him.

The sound of running feet had him looking to see Claire dashing towards the couch. "Riot." she scolded. "Down Riot." She ordered softly but the creature didn't move.

He whine painfully instead and seemed to struggle closer to Gabriel, who looked at him with an overwhelming amount of empathy. "With you there brother." he murmured; winching as the dog moved, but not enough. "I think he's stuck."

Gabriel sucked in a breath as a set of large strong hand slide between his stomach and the dog, grazing the flesh where his shirt had ridden up. He bit his lip hard so as not to moan and turned his head away from Sam as the man straightened. When the weight finally vanished, quickly so did Sam, carrying the dog across the room and settling the thing on the armchair. Gabriel pushed himself into a sitting position and glanced over at the mutt. "So who's our new friend?"

"His names Riot." Claire replied quickly. "Sam brought him home."

"Picking up more strays, Sammy." Gabriel grumbled coldly, sending the Winchester a hard look that the man refused to meet.

"Sam hit him, what's why he's all bandaged and weak." Claire added as she stood awkwardly beside the couch.

"Did he now?" Gabriel huffed. "Well he was strong enough to almost crush Me." he rubbed at his sore ribs. "Claire where's my meds."

"You're not due for another hour." she replied; shaking her head at him; her arms folded over her chest stubbornly.

"Yeah, well I'm in pain now, so…"

Claire looked at him reproachfully before marching into the kitchen. It took Gabriel a good twenty seconds to realise she wasn't coming back. Huffing with frustration and pain he slouched back on the couch and glared furiously over at Sam.

"So you came back?" Gabriel grumbled.

"Of course I did. What did you expect?" Sam replied; still refusing to meet Gabriel gaze.

"Honestly? For you to run for the hill and never look back. That's what you do isn't it? - Aren't you scared I'm going to try and jump your bones?"

"No." Sam replied tightly; his fingers idly combing through Riot's fur.

Gabriel watched him closely, his eyes instantly locking on the dark bruise peeking out of his collar. He wasn't sure which emotion was stronger, anger or jealousy. "You fucking hypocrite!" he snapped furiously; leaping to his feet.

"Language." Sam scolding harshly, his eyes flickering to the kitchen door.

"Claire!" Gabriel called. It took a few minutes for the girl to peek around the doorway, a nervous look on her face.

"Y-yeah?"

"Take a walk in the yard cause we're about to have a rather loud argument and Sam is concerned about you hearing my foul language."

Claire looked uncertainly between them before inhaling slowly, resigned to the inevitable, and turned. She rushed out of the back door, letting it bang closed behind her.

"What you say that for?"

"I've never lied to her, not going to start now." Gabriel spat.

"Then she's the only one." Sam scoffed.

"Fuck you Winchester. Fuck you to hell, you should have fucking stayed there. You lying, hypocritical bastard!" Gabriel yelled; waving a finger at Sam.

"What the fuck is…?"

"You have the _nerve_ to call me bitching because I went on a date while you were off getting your dick wet!"

Sam instantly paled and Gabriel felt a rush of power he hadn't felt in too long.

"How'd you…?"

"Try checking a mirror before you come home from your sleazy weekends!" Gabriel spat furiously.

Sam's hand went to his neck as if suddenly remembering. "It's not…." he trailed off to take a couple of breaths. "Look, so I got laid, what's it to you?" he suddenly snapped, angry at being challenged.

"I don't give a _shit_ where you stick your dick asshole. I care that its one rule for you and another for me!"

"Well maybe if you hadn't told the whole god-damn town we were a couple I wouldn't give a shit where you stuck your dick either!"

Gabriel glared at him, taking an unsteady step forward, his hand instantly going to grab his ribs as they protested at the movement. "Don't start putting that shit on me again Winchester. I had to tell them something!"

"You didn't have to tell them _that_! And you know it. - In fact I'm pretty damn sure it was some part of your twisted plan."

"What twisted plan?"

"To seduce me or whatever the hell you've been trying to do since you go back!"

"Oh right, I forgot. You don't give a shit where I put my dick as long as it's nowhere near _you_!" - Expect you do, don't you? Because you clearly don't want me putting it near anyone else, either!"

Sam glared, his jaw tightening painfully.

"That's it, isn't it? You don't want me but you don't want anyone else to want me either!" Gabriel yelled; stepping into Sam's personal space. "Except maybe you do what me, because I remember you kissing me back, Sammy." he murmured in a low seductive tone. "I felt your dick rubbing into my ass. You can lie to yourself Sammy, but you can't lie to me….or your dick."

 

(*__*)--(*__*)

 

Sam's fingers curled tight into a fist at his side, the fury burning up inside him. He was swinging before he even realized it, his knuckles connecting with the ex-archangel's nose. Gabriel staggered backwards, his hand flying up to cup the sudden downpour of dark blood. Sam stood glued to the spot, shock flooding through him. Before he could say anything there was a horrified gasp and the sound of rushing feet, there was a blur of movement out of the corner of his eye, then Claire was on the couch, fear and panic painted all over her face, her hand trembling as it reached for Gabriel's shoulder.

"G-Gabe?" she whispered shakily.

"Gabe…I…" Sam stepped forward; only to be halted by two sets of furious eyes, he wasn't sure which set cut deeper. "I'm…"

Gabriel shot to his feet. "I don't care. I don't want to hear your bullshit apology." he snapped through the blood slowly staining his lips. He staggered to the stairs and Sam watched with a heavy heart as Claire ran to his aid, slipping an arm around the man's waist, ignoring the ex-angel's protests. Sam watched them numbly as the pair vanished.

When they were out of sight, he headed for the front door. Outside he stared at the Impala, instinct yelling at him to just climb behind the wheel and never look back. Get away from Gabriel and whatever the hell was happening. He stared down at his hands, surprised to see them shaking violently. He'd come to terms a long time ago with the anger, knowing it would always be there. It was as much a part of him as the demon blood tainting his veins.

Inhaling deeply Sam dropped onto the porch steps, his head falling into his hands. He had no idea when his life had grown so complicated and unrecognisable.

He had no idea how long he sat there questioning his life and his feelings. It was long enough for Gabriel to have cleaned the blood from his mouth and thrown what few items of clothing he had into a bag. Sam discovered this when the slamming of the screen door had his head coming up with a start. He shot to his feet as Gabriel marched across the porch and down the steps in a rushed rhythm of heavy booted feet, a duffle clutched in the ex-angel's hand. Sam felt his heart leap into his throat at the sight, racing after the other man when the shock finally faded. "Where the hell are you going?" he demanded desperately.

"What does it look like, I'm leaving. I'm not your fucking punching bag fucker!" Gabriel spat viciously over his shoulder.

Sam flinched at the harsh hateful words. He'd never taken out his anger on someone before. - Well, except for that fight with Dean, but he'd been jacked up on demon blood and not thinking straight. - He had no excuse this time and he didn't think Gabriel wanted to hear it if he had. It was just….the man had hit a nerve. A raw nerve Sam hadn't even realized was exposed until that second. He hadn't even acknowledged it to himself. He was attracted to the ex-angel. _Physically_. "So you're just going to run away? Because we had a fight?"

Gabriel spun to glare furiously at Sam, his eyes begin to blacken and Sam swallowed. "A fight?" the shorter man spat. "Does this look like a fight?" he pointed to his face. "A fight goes both ways."

"Look I'm sorry okay." Sam said in a rush. "I….I shouldn't have punched you. - I just…"

"I don't give a shit! I'm not a fucking spouse for you to take your shit on." He turned to walk away.

Sam rushed forward again, snagging Gabriel's arm, halting him in place. Gabriel twisted his head and glared up at the hunter; eyes filled with murder. "Get your fucking hand off me." he warned in a low dangerous tone.

"What about Claire?"

Gabriel turned slightly; his eyes flickering to the house. "Believe me, I'd take her with me, but I can't protect her. - And I don't think you'll hurt _her_." he said with surprising confidence. "So she stays with you." continuing on his way.

"What about you?" Sam said in a rush. "Who'll protect you?"

Gabriel's body slumped, his head falling forward; inhaling and exhaling quickly. "I can't stay here. Not…I have to leave. It's my only option." Gabriel said quietly, the fight seemingly seeping out of him to leave him tired and empty.

"Why? - I swear I won't raise a finger…"

Gabriel tilted his head slightly. "That's the point." He sighed again, dropping his gaze to the dirt on his boots. "For some insane fucking alternate reality reason I can't fathom, I _want_ you…"

Sam inhaled sharply, his back straightening at the confession.

"All I've thought about the whole week you've been gone was the way you touched me. The way it made me feel. _Really_ feel." Gabriel confessed in a gentle voice filled with surrender and weariness. "At least until you flipped your shit and I remembered that you'd rather be touched by a demon that…" he shook his head. "It's not good for a guy's ego or mental health and I'm not going to stay here hoping that you'll change while you head out of town to get laid before coming home and kicking the hell out of me." he turned to fully meet the man's gaze. "I can't do that. And I _won't_. - So I'm leaving."

Sam stared at him speechless, wincing at the numbness in the angel's voice, a sound he'd never thought to hear. Ever. Sucking in a breath he raised his chin. "You could get yourself killed out there alone."

Gabriel closed his eyes, breathing, silent. - Then he turned and started walking. "What do you care?" he called over his shoulder.

The problem was, as much as he didn't want to, he cared. He felt something for the ex-angel. As much as he'd like to say it was just some bizarre physical attraction he knew it wasn't. "You _can't_ just leave!" he called pathetically. "Claire _needs_ you!"

"She has you." Gabriel called back, not faltering a single step.

"But I'm not always here. You wanted me to keep hunting, I can't do that and take care of Claire alone."

"Your dad did it. You'll be fine."

Sam growled at the stubborn retreating back, growing angry and frustrated. Furiously he found himself marching forward, catching up with Gabriel quickly. "I'm not having your death on my conscience and I'm not going to face Cas' wrath when he gets back and discovered I let his brother get himself killed." He snarled; snatching the bag from Gabriel's hand and turning back to the house.

"Hey, give me that!" Gabriel yelled, rushing after him. "Asshole you can't make me stay, and Cas won't give a damn, it's not like we were close! I said give me that _back_!"

Sam ignored him till Gabriel's finger closed around the bag, trying to yank it free of his grasp. "You're staying. Claire needs you. I….It's for everyone's sake."

"So I'm just meant to raise the kid and wait for you to flip your shit and beat me unconscious next time? I don't fucking think so!"

"I won't." Sam growled.

"I don't believe you. You're too fucking messed up there Winchester." he poked violently at Sam's head.

Sam stilled, his eyes burning into the man, his mind spiralling and his heart hammering against his ribs. "I…" he inhaled slowly, closing his eyes for a moment. When he opened them he sighed. "Fine. You stay, _I'll_ leave."

Gabriel narrowed his eyes at the hunter. "What?"

"This is the safest place for you and Claire, so you stay, I'll leave."

"When?" Gabriel demanded cautiously.

"I'd prefer to wait until tomorrow. Get at least one night's sleep before hitting the road to nowhere. - But if you want me to go now, I will."

Gabriel stood still and silent, weighing up the options. "One night. Tomorrow you go."

Sam nodded; an unexpected wave of loss and misery flooding though him. "Tomorrow."

Gabriel yanked his bag free of Sam's hand finally, a sharp nod. "Deal." he snapped, turning and marching angrily back into the house.

Sam stood on the porch watching the man vanish, a heavy weight settling on his shoulders. He didn't want to leave. As insane as it was, knowing he had a home to return to made hunting that much easier to deal with. But he didn't have a choice, he couldn't let Gabriel just wander off, and he refused to drag Claire on hunts like his dad had done to him.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Sam tried to sleep, he knew he had to if he was going to be hitting the road in a few hours, but the events of the day were whirling around his head. He flexed his fingers against the covers. He still couldn't believe he's punched Gabriel. It wasn't like they hadn't fought before, but the last time he's hit out at the angel, the angel had hit back. This time…it had been different, it had _felt_ different, they both knew it and that's what had led to Gabriel packing his things and threatening to leave.

But Gabriel wasn't leaving when dawn came, he was. Sam swallowed hard and glanced over at the clock on the nightstand. 3am. The sun would be up soon and he'd be claiming behind the wheel of the Impala and driving away from the home he'd reluctantly found.

That wasn't the only thing pressing down on Sam in the dark. He'd foolishly expected…no, hoped Gabriel would sneak into his room, like he'd done before, but the door remained stubbornly closed. Sam glanced over at it again, hoping again that it would open and reveal an angel.

He had no idea what had gotten into him, and no matter how he tried to figure it out the answer remained elusive. All he knew was that at some point between Gabriel reappearing in the lab and that afternoon, he'd come to actually care for him. - Which in itself wouldn't bother him so much. He was alone for the first time in his life. What made it all so much worse, and confusing, was that he wasn't caring for Gabriel as a friend or a brother, he was finding himself being physically drawn to him. Found himself thinking of him on long drives, dreaming about him in dirty ratty motel rooms in the middle of nowhere. Closing his eyes and picturing the man while buried in an intelligent beautiful woman. It was insane. - But then so was he, Gabriel was right about that. He was a mess.

He'd been through so much shit over the past couple of years. Lucifer had done things to his mind that…he still didn't know the full extent of. Maybe this was just another of the side effects, being attracted to men as well as women.

Sam stared up at the darkened ceiling, thinking that theory over and knowing it was bullshit. He wasn't attracted to men. He hadn't so much as looked at another man since returning from hell, or while he'd been away on hunts the last few months. He shook his head. No, it wasn't a sudden bout of bisexuality, it was Gabriel. Only Gabriel. – And only God knew why.

Grunting in frustration Sam threw back the covers, sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning forward to cradle his head in hands, his heart racing and his gut tight and uncomfortable. He didn't want to leave. Not now, but he didn't see any other option. - Gabriel had given him no other option.

He rubbed at his temples and breathed slowly. He hadn't made a conscious decision to get to his feet and leave the room. He hadn't planned to walk the few steps to Gabriel's bedroom door, and wasn't even truly aware he was doing so until his fingers were wrapping around the handle, twisting it and stepping into the dark room.

He stood in the doorway just staring at the smaller bed. The smaller man. He quietly closed the door behind him before walking on cautious, nervous feet towards the bed. Gabriel was lying face down, his head turned away from the door. Sam watched him sleep until he felt creepy, then he gently tugged at the covers and climbed in beside the man, facing to the ceiling, waiting for the man to react.

For a moment Sam thought Gabriel wasn't even aware of his presence but then the bed shifted as the ex-angel stiffened. He held his breath, waiting for Gabriel to turn and face him, to demand he get out, but Gabriel said nothing. The only movements he made was to turn his body fully to face the wall, extending the space between them. Sam exhaled sadly and settled against the pillow, his eyes closed forcibly, listening to the calming sound of Gabriel's breathing, allowing it to lead him towards sleep, knowing he'd never hear it again.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Gabriel woke to the feel of a heavy arm draped over his waist, a blazing hot body curled up behind him. Too close. Too large to be anyone but Sam. He felt his heart skip and for a moment he allowed himself to believe the lie the scene painted. Allowed himself to hope that Sam had finally accepted whatever it was between them.

But when he rubbed his face into the pillow, pain rumbled through his face, reminding him of why it _was_ a lie. That Sam was never going to give him what he wanted. He grunted angrily and shoved Sam's arm off his waist, twisting around and sitting up. He glared down at the sleeping hunter, hating his treacherous heart for skipping and his instincts for wanting to lean forward and kiss him.

As he stared, the younger man's eyes fluttered open and Gabriel held his breath, waiting for him to lose it once again. Except Sam just rolled onto his back with a satisfied rested moan, stretching out his overgrown body. The bed was too small for his impressive mutant frame but that didn't seem to bother him. Gabriel clenched his jaw, angry at the relaxed peaceful sound coming from the hunter. He had no right to be relaxed and peaceful, not after everything that had happened the previous afternoon. Gabriel rubbed at his nose, wishing he at least had enough juice to heal.

"Morning." Sam murmured softly.

Gabriel grunted and looked around. He needed to get out of the bed, needed to get away from Sam, but there was no escape. His bed was pressed up against the wall in the small room and the frame raised at the head and foot, cutting off any exit there too. The only way out of the room, away from the situation, was over the giant body he was desperately trying _not_ to look at as it continued to stretch. "Move." he ordered.

Sam turned to look at him with a raised brow. "What?"

"It's morning. You're leaving. So… _leave_."

Sam pressed his lips into a thin line, his eyes meeting Gabriel. The sunlight from the window behind the ex-angel making them an almost impossible shade of green. "I…"

Gabriel huffed and growled, glared and closed his eyes as he inhaled sharply, struggling to breath. The pressure became too much, against his better judgement he surged forward, throwing one leg over Sam's, bracing himself on his hands as he toppled forward to stare down at Sam's suddenly dark eyes.

"Gabriel." Sam whispered heavily; his hand raising to halt the ex-angel, pressing like a brand at his flank.

"Don't." Gabriel growled in warning; his heart hammering painfully in his chest, his breath coming in short sharp burst, lust clawed at his senses.

Sam's hand didn't move. His eyes didn't cool. Instead he raised his other hand to curve around Gabriel's neck, stopping his retreat as the hunter lifted himself to capture the ex-angel's lips.

Gabriel whimpered pathetically, telling himself to pull away, put distance between them. Telling himself he was going to regret this. But he just couldn't bring himself to do what he knew he should. Instead he opened his mouth when Sam's tongue probed for entrance, his whole body slowly lowering to stretch out over the hunter's. - Hating himself every second.

Sam moaned and it rumbled through Gabriel, setting off a chain reaction of desire. He rolled his hips as his fingers bit into the solid muscle of Sam's shoulders. Another moan and he was being rolled onto his back, Sam over him. His tongue moving desperately against Gabriel's, stealing his breath and self-respect. He felt Sam tugging the covers furiously out of the way, removing the only barrier between them. Allowing their bodies to touch from chest to knee. Gabriel inhaled sharply at the feel of Sam's morning wood pressing against his own, the younger man rocking forward, creating a blindly wonderful feeling of fiction.

Despite himself, Gabriel gave over to instinct and lust. Dropping his hands to the hem of Sam's grey t-shirt, he slipped beneath it in search of solid hot flesh. He moved his palms over the skin and muscles as far as he could reach before dragging his blunt nails down. Sam gasped and groaned into his mouth.

Sam pulled away and Gabriel felt his stomach drop. This was it. This was where Sam flipped his shit, hit out and ran away.

Except it wasn't. Sam knelt over him only long enough to strip off his shirt and reach for Gabriel's till they were both breathless and shirtless. Then he was back, his tongue filthily filling Gabriel's mouth, drawing out yet more moans and whimpers of pleasure. The pain in his face forgotten.

They kissed like that for a while then Sam drew away to suck at Gabriel's throat. The ex-angel curled his fingers into Sam's hair, his leg lifting to wrap over Sam's hip, rocking forward roughly and panting at the sparks that shot through him.

A voice in the back of his head kept screaming for him to stop this. That it wasn't going to last. That as soon as Sam got his rocks off he'd split without as much as goodbye. - But the feeling was just too strong to fight.

When he felt long strong fingers slip beneath the waistband of his sweats and boxers to wrap around his dick, Gabriel gasped, his head rolling back on the pillow. Sam's mouth still pressed to column of his throat.

"S…Sam." Gabriel breathed.

A rumble went through Gabriel throat at Sam's reply and he tugged violently at Sam's hair with his left hand. His other hand sneaking between them, fighting with Sam's waistband. He finally won, his hand hurrying to join the party. The feel of Sam's heavy erection against his palm was sensual in a way Gabriel didn't remember ever feeling before. He'd touch men's dick before, but it had never felt like this. He knew it had to be due to his lack of grace, he was more connected to his body now and it felt unbelievable. Sam's breath ghosted over the shell of his ear as he panted, his rhythm never faltering.

Gabriel had had an orgasm before. Tons. He had been having sex for centuries, but he'd _never_ had one like the one that suddenly slammed into him. For a moment he'd thought he'd regained his grace; the white lights behind his eyelids deceiving in their intensity. When his body rocked, trembled and arched into Sam's touch, he half expected to explode and blind the hunter above him. He let out a breathless cry before it subsided and he collapsed on the mattress.

He was faintly aware of Sam rutting against his thigh. He didn't know how long Sam was doing it, but Gabriel returned to his senses just in time to see his face pinch tight in ecstasy, Sam's body trembling above him. A warm dampness coating Gabriel's thigh, making the ex-angel's heart pulse out of time. Then Sam was collapsing too, right on top of him.

After a few minutes of being crushed beneath the hunter, Sam rolled off of him onto his back at Gabriel's side. His face flushed, his chest raising and falling rapidly, and sporting a satisfied. Gabriel lay staring up at the ceiling, fighting to recapture his own breath while battling with the sudden nausea. His hands trembled. He held his breath, waiting for Sam to leap out of the bed and yell at him, but once again Sam surprised him by doing nothing. He just laid there, silent with his eyes closed.

Gabriel turned to look at him, confused and uncertain. Suddenly he leapt over Sam, his heart thundering hard against his ribs.

"Gabriel?" Sam frowned behind him. "What's…?"

"I won't be long in the shower, I'm sure you'll want to get on the road as soon as possible. I wouldn't want to hold you up."

Gabriel yanked fresh clothes out of his dresser, furious at himself and Sam. - But mostly himself.

"Gabriel…"

"Don't." the ex-angel snapped. "I…" he shook his head. "You're leaving." with that he marched out of the room, rushing down the corridor to the bathroom. Inside he locked the door and dropped down on the edge of the bath, his eyes burning and his body trembling.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Sam stared at the door, shocked. Gabriel's parting words like a punch to his gut. It hadn't been a question. He wasn't asking it Sam was leaving, he was telling him he was leaving. It was an order. After what had just happened between them. Sam didn't get it. Wasn't this what Gabriel had wanted? He was giving him what he wanted and he still expected him to leave?

Getting to his feet, Sam cringed at the discomfort in his underwear but he ignored it, following Gabriel down the hall. He twisted the handle and found the door locked. Knocking harshly he called thought the wood. "Gabriel. Let me in." the man said nothing and Sam pressed his ear to the door, listening to his movement inside. "We need to talk. I'm not…"

"I'll be finished in a minute." Gabriel called back shakily. "Use the time to get your things together. I'd hate for you to forget something."

"I'm not leaving." Sam stated firmly.

The house fell silent. Sam stared at the white door. This was not a conversation he wanted to have like this, but when he tried the door again it was still locked, which wasn't a good sign. Finally he heard Gabriel's muffled voice through the wood

"Yes you are. You promised to leave Sam. So leave." he snapped furiously.

Sam took a step back from the door, his eyes wide. He couldn't be serious? He couldn't expect him to just leave? Not now. Not after…what? After he's spent months pushing him away? After splitting at the first hint of something actually happening between them? After punching him in the face hours after being released from hospital? Of course Gabriel wanted him gone. How could Sam honestly think that one quick hand-job would fix everything?

Inhaling slowly, he pressed his forehead against the cold wood, listening to the sound of running water on the other side. "Gabriel?" there was no reply and Sam figured he was already in the shower. Washing Sam's from his skin. "I'm sorry Gabriel." he apologized anyway, his eyes closed.

 

**_What Doesn't Kill You_**

 

Sam didn't think driving away would be so hard, but as the Impala made its way up the dirt track, putting more and more distance between him and the house, it felt like his chest was being crushed. He gasped for breath and swallowed the lump forming in his throat. Lifting his eyes to the rear view he caught sight of Claire watching after him. His stomach tightening at Gabriel's absence. The man had been avoiding him as much as was possible in a small house ever since he's stepped out of the shower and brought his bags down from his room.

He'd thought about putting his foot down, saying he wasn't going anywhere, but he'd decided eventually, that it was probably for the best. Gabriel and Claire were probably safer without him around. Right? He was a trouble magnet after all and he was still uncertain about what he was feeling when it came to Gabriel. While that morning hadn't left him feeling disgusted, he still wasn't completely comfortable with the idea of being with the man.

Dropping his gaze from the mirror, he stared at the road in front of him. Claire knew how to get a hold of him if something happened. - Or if they just wanted him to come home. All he could do now is his job and…hope that one day he got that call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry to leave it on this heart-wrenching cliff-hanger (except I'm not because that was always the plan.) As I said, this was originally meant to be the end of one story but I'll be posting it all together, length be damned. 
> 
> Gatergirl79

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. - Feedback would be greatly appreciated.


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